Mentoring Minutes

Children are both the greatest blessing and greatest burden all rolled into one…all by God’s design.

“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.”  Proverbs 24:3-4

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain…Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” Psalm 127:1a, 3-5a

“Marriage and family are both the building blocks, and a reflection, of Christ’s Church.”

My prayer and my hope above all else, is to encourage everyone, but especially those who call Christ Lord, to recognize God’s Divine Covenant order from Creation to Christ’s return. I pray that you’ll be willing, as His disciples, to live it out first in your marriages and families in order to strengthen His Church and build His Kingdom accordingly.

The Love & Lordship message is what The Lord has laid on my heart, and I’ve been sharing it for over 25 years. It has helped hundreds, if not thousands, to walk in His Divine order, see the blessing in their lives and homes, and be a blessing in His Church and beyond.  His design, plan, and purpose from Genesis to Revelation begins with marriage in the Home.

Dennis Rainey, founder of FamilyLife (along with his wife, Barbara), one of the best marriage and family organizations in the world today, said this, “Every family is a little church.” Marriage is certainly implied and intended in his quote. In line with God’s Word and order, if we are not doing the job in our little churches (marriages and families), then it matters little how much we’re doing in our “big” churches.

God is faithful to use our sincere efforts but if we will follow His design of loving relationships in marriage and family, I believe He has much more in store for our lives and can and will use us to ignite His Church and impact a lost and dying world!

“There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened, and maintained.”  — Winston Churchill

We’ve heard over and over again that youth are leaving the church and their faith when they go off to college and the stats somewhat bear this out, although there are some that return during and after the college years. Ken Ham, founder of The Creation Museum, Answers in Genesis, and The Ark Encounter wrote a book entitled, Already Gone, in which he postulates with some research, that most of our youth are checking out mentally and spiritually in their early teens and middle school years. They simply continue to attend church as parents have the car keys, wallets and final say. It just becomes evident when they are out on their own, i.e., college years.

He goes on to say, “‘Church’ today is mostly driven by man-made traditions and not by the biblical mandates to defend the Word of God and live by the Word of God.”

In God’s design and mandate, discipleship is to begin in the home and the church benefits and is stronger when this happens. When it’s not happening, there’s not enough “church” to overcome what is lacking in the home.

Since God is our perfect Heavenly Father, we would be wise to seek His counsel for good parenting. It is very clear in His Word what He expects of us as parents…

1) Parents are the primary and priority disciplers and educators of their children. In Deuteronomy 6:1-9, Moses gathers the leaders of all the tribes, clans and families (fathers and grandfathers) to share the most important things that God wanted them to know and be sure to impress on future generations (vv. 1-3) as they went in to possess the Promised Land. Right on the verge of receiving all that God had promised their forefathers—Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob—here are the four things that were of paramount importance (the first two will sound very familiar):

A. God is the One and Only True God – worship only Him (v. 4)
B. Love God with all you are (v. 5)
C. The laws and commands (disciplines) that I will give you – make sure that you teach them to your children – post them and teach them everywhere and at all times (vv. 6-9)
D. Live a life of gratitude in all things – never forget God’s goodness (vv. 10-12)

Parents, we are to take the first and priority responsibility for training up our children—not the school and their teachers, not the government, not coaches, not even pastors or ministers. All of these can play a role and help, but we must make sure that what is being taught and caught begins and ends with us and is in line with God’s Word and commands!

2) Discipling and educating our children requires our time and effort to know and train them.

We find in both the Old and New Testaments what is required of parents. Most are familiar with Proverbs 22:6 (NASB) which states, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This is echoed in Ephesians 6:4 (NASB), again with the fathers as the focal point of this command: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Allow me to clarify.

There is an ancient proverb that reads, “Bend a tree when it is young.” This is an excellent interpretation and explanation of Proverbs 22:6 for two reasons. First of all, bending a tree requires ongoing attention and effort just as children do. You can’t just bend it once and expect it to stay in place. The same is true with children, as is strongly implied in the Hebrew text.

As parents we must take the time to get to know them, their personality, strengths and weaknesses, and teach and train them in character consistently over time and be there to help them navigate the struggles and trials. This can’t be done with occasional gifts of time, money, or stuff. It requires our time and presence.

One of the greatest deceptions from the pits of hell is, “Quality time equals quantity time.” Fathers or parents who have fallen for that lie have damaged many a child! One of the greatest recipes for rebellion is to give the disciplines or guidelines for developing character and then be a father or parent who does not walk in the integrity of those disciplines and/or only shows up to reward or punish as it is called for. Far too many children have been the victims of parents who come home from work or the road only to administer punishment and demand obedience without being present to model that behavior or build a relationship. Rules minus relationships = rebellion!

Parents, train your children to walk in the way they should go by first walking that path yourself.

Monte Wilkinson, Lead Minister at Northeast Christian Church, Lexington, KY, was in our wedding and I consider him a good friend. He shared a wonderful maxim with me when he found out we were expecting our first child: “Children are the greatest blessing and greatest burden all rolled into one.” I not only found this to be true but have elaborated on it with many in my conferences and counseling. God’s Word declares that children are a reward or heritage from The Lord (Psalm 127). If we only see the burden, then we miss the joys of His blessing to us. Scripture also declares that there is a burden in the responsibility of training them up in The Lord (Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4). If we only looking for blessings, then we miss the lessons and needed pruning in our lives and in our children’s as well.

Let me share with you five ways that we can exasperate or frustrate our children and later I’ll give some insights as to how we can build them up, beyond being careful and reversing the following…

5 Ways Parents Frustrate Their Children:

1) Hover over everything they do; make every decision for them
2) Enforce a lot of rules without building a relationship
3) Play the comparison game – compare them to siblings/others
4) Pay minimal attention or listen to your children
5) Make your love conditional…children spot this very quickly

Our third point from Scripture in the priorities and commitments we must make to parent our children in The Lord is as follows…

3) The message from God’s Word is that parenting must begin and continue with us in our families and not be abdicated to the church, school, or any other place. Integrity in life, marriage, and parenting makes for authenticity and walking in the True Authority that we have been given in Christ!

I can’t tell you how many times parents have talked with me about their teen and adult children rebelling and walking away from the faith. They tell their parents that they either wanted nothing to do with the faith and love that they saw in their parent’s marriage, or they could see that their parents didn’t love each other and they wanted nothing to do with that.

Trust in God and His Word to help you model and disciple your children as the parents God has called you to be.

Food for Thought…Let’s be faithful to God’s Word and to His Covenant Order and the responsibility to train up our children in the way they should go…and let’s be the ones that model it and teach it first and foremost (Proverbs 20:7). Churches, pastors, youth ministers, schools, teachers, coaches can all help but we are first responsible and held accountable to disciple our children in Christ! (Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4)

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) –

1. Read the Scriptures in this article. Ask The Holy Spirit to reveal where you are in parenting your children.
2. List ways you model the character/integrity you want to see in your children.
3. List the things you want to change in yourself and in your parenting. 
4. Discuss how your marriage impacts your parenting and family.

Love and Lordship Prayer Focus Heavenly Father, remind me and help me to have the strength, take the time and put forth the effort, by Your grace and in Your Truth and Love, to train up my children in the character and teachings of Christ and His Word. Thank You for those that help reinforce Your message and lifestyle but let it begin and end in our home. Help us to help those who do not have or know their parents to find role models that can stand in the gap by Your grace as well. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Marriage is not a contract, which is explicitly written in case of a breach of promise.  Marriage is a covenant designed by God to express His unconditional love for us regardless of how often we may breach. His design is that marriage lasts forever (Matthew 19:4-6; Hebrews 13:4).

We’ve been digging to find out what God’s Word says regarding building our relationships as His disciples under His Lordship. We’ve applied the truths specifically to marriage with the commands and keys that enable us to build marriages that are blessed and that bless our families and His Church.

There are volumes, and even libraries of writings, that address the “how to’s” in marriage. The purpose here is to help us make sure that our hearts and minds are aligned with Christ’s. While practical steps are important and helpful, if our hearts are not set on Him we will eventually just exchange one selfish desire for another and the enemy will wreak havoc in our life, marriage, and all relationships.  I’ve seen this over and over again…far too often!

I know your desire is to honor God or you wouldn’t be reading this now.

With this understanding we continue with Scriptural principles that will reveal and/or help us deal with some of the underlying and prevalent issues and problems that arise in marriage…heart issues. Using the foundations, commands, and keys discussed in previous articles we can apply His Word and begin to see how He changes our hearts and guides us through them.  Let’s start with a HUMDINGER…

Authority in Marriage (Matthew 20:24-28; John 13:1-5, 12-17; Ephesians 5:23; 1 Peter 3:1-5)

Having already discussed this in previous artilces, I simply want to give you a couple of acronyms to help you remember what authority in Christ’s Kingdom, and therefore in our lives and marriage as His followers, is to look like. This will help you remember and understand what Godly Authority looks like and how to apply it in your marriage.

You need two pair of P.A.N.T.S to succeed in marriage…really the same pair…

P. A.N.T.S. – Who wears them in your Marriage?

The first pair – Proper Authority Needed To Succeed

The second pair – Proper Attitude Needed To Serve

Remember, in Christ’s Kingdom and His Kingdom authority, you’re not really wearing the first pair if you’re not willing to wear the second.  Keep this in mind as we move into another touchy area in marriage…

Forgiveness and Trust (Matthew 6:14-15; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13; John 2:24)

In almost every case with struggling couples, no matter what the symptoms are, there are major foundational issues rooted in unforgiveness and distrust. Here are some Scriptures and insights that have helped many.

Forgiveness is mandatory (Matthew 6:14-15; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13); Trust is earned (John 2:24).  I’ve talked before about this tweet, “God’s grace is amazing, but it never compromises His Truth.” If it did, He would be a liar and we know that’s not the case.

Unfortunately, we have compromised His Truth. Many have fallen into this trap (with good intentions, but we know where that road leads). The only way I can be assured that I’m forgiven in Christ is if it’s evident in my forgiveness of others.

Numerous couples have been told that forgiveness is a process and they would not be able to forgive until they had “processed” the pain and moved beyond the emotions, hurt feelings, accusations, or “fill in the blank.” Stay with me here.

There is a process. It’s just that forgiveness is not that process. Emotions and feelings associated with the offense or violation require time and processing. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is a choice that you can make immediately because it’s what God in His Grace has done for each of us who believe in Christ. And He says that we absolutely must forgive. (Matthew 6:12, 14-15; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13)  Trust, however, is earned…more on this later.

According to His Word, forgiveness is a mandate—a command (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13). The only thing that Jesus repeated after His “Model Prayer” or “The Lord’s Prayer” (Matthew 6:9-13) is the issue of forgiveness (vv. 14-15)…”If you do not forgive, then your Heavenly Father will not forgive you.” If I want to know His forgiveness, then I must forgive everyone, period.

I’m pretty sure you agree that we want and need His forgiveness.

This is the subtle deception that has entered into our humanistic counseling and wreaked havoc on countless marriages, families, and relationships. If I’m not ready (i.e., don’t feel like it), then I should allow time to “process” my feelings before I forgive. Don’t miss this…This ties forgiveness to our feelings rather than His Truth. I don’t see that concept in God’s Word. Again, His grace is amazing, but it never compromises His Truth to any degree.

If you are willing to be deceived and allow feelings to trump God’s Truth, then you give the enemy territory and ammunition. He will use your flesh through your emotions to kill, steal, and destroy you and others in the struggle and process. It’s not a good ride or a gentle landing.

On the other hand, this Truth has helped many couples and people: If you are obedient to God to forgive, choosing to do so by His grace in and through you, then His Spirit and Truth guide you through the emotional pain and process.

Know that you are now forgiven and free in Christ as you give the same to others!

While forgiveness or unforgiveness is tied directly to trust they are not the same. If we are willing to forgive, then we can rebuild trust but it takes time. Even Jesus did not trust others because He knew what was in their heart (John 2:24). In less than three years after this text, He entrusted His life story, The Gospel and His Holy Spirit, to 120 men and women in an upper room (Acts 2:1-4).   He could do this because He had taught and modeled truth, love and forgiveness for them, and His forgiveness had allowed His life to be formed in them and that is what He was trusting…and what He trusts in those of us who believe in Him today.

We can do the same in our marriage and in all relationships, including in His Church, if we are willing to walk as His disciples, forgive others and learn to live as He did, so they see Him in us and we begin to see His life in them. 

And now for our final heart issue when it comes to relationships and marriage…

Unconditional Love in Marriage

Marriage is based on Commitment and Unconditional Love. Here’s a simple and great definition for love, based on Christ’s love for His Bride demonstrated on The Cross (Hebrews 12:2; Ephesians 3:17-18): Give 100%, Expect 0%! Maybe I should say “Demand 0.” Here’s why…

Expectations and demands will naturally occur in our flesh. The issue is not whether you’ll have them or not, but how you’ll respond and how you’ll define your spouse, yourself, and your relationship based on unmet expectations. We will all experience expectations— and unmet expectations— in our lives and marriage. Trouble comes when we play God and demand that our expectations always be met based on our wants, needs, and desires.  No matter what…love them anyway just as God loves us!

Food for Thought – God’s love compels us to learn to love and serve even when our expectations are not met…love them anyway!  That’s exactly what Christ has done to and for us. Not only will more of your expectations likely be realized over time, but also you will become the person who is more interested in looking to meet your spouse’s and other’s needs, rather than always expecting yours to be met. (Philippians 2:3-5)

Love in Action –

1. Read the Scriptures in this article. Ask The Holy Spirit to change your heart to love your marriage and spouse as Christ loves us.
2. Which pair of P.A.N.T.S. are worn in your marriage?
3. Practice forgiveness as loving obedience rather than an emotional process. Consider how to give and build trust so you can earn it. 
4. Love your spouse (and others) regardless of whether they meet your expectations or not.

Prayer Focus…Heavenly Father, help me to understand Your Love and Authority and practice them accordingly in my marriage and with my spouse.  Help me to forgive in obedience to You and learn to trust Christ in others. Finally, help me love unconditionally, without my love being defined by expectations, met or unmet.  In Jesus Name. Amen.

If someone says, “I love God,” and yet he hates his brother or sister, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother and sister whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. (1 John 4:20)

Love and Lordship in Focus…We can only love because God first loved us.  Our love is then demonstrated by our love for Him and our love for all others.  We must learn to love as He loved us.

As we’ve shared in previous posts about God’s Covenant Order and what it means to love God, yourself and others we can move forward with this new or renewed understanding.

Here are three keys from the Greatest Commandments to building agape Kingdom relationships, especially marriage, according to His Word. As we build agape Kingdom marriages we then form loving families, which in turn strengthens the loving relationships that make up Christ’s Church. (Note how these principles all flow from our discipleship relationship with Christ):

Worship God alone and love Him with all you are! (Deuteronomy 6:4-5; Mark 12:29-30) If we do not spend time to get to know, worship and love Him, we will struggle in every other relationship, including marriage and family.

KEY #1 – SUBMISSION

Submission is the 1^st key that flows from this 1^st and Greatest Commandment.  It is found in what we are called to do in honoring one another in relationships and particularly in marriage. Ephesians 5:21-25: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

We must learn to first love and submit to God and, out of honor for Christ, we are called and can then submit to one another. Wives are commanded to submit to their husbands. This is not a command to the husband to make his wife submit. This is a command to the wife to willingly choose to submit to her husband because she’s already submitted to Christ and learned to love God with all she is.

Husbands are called to submit in love and relational servant-leadership, literally to submit or surrender his life for his wife just as Christ did for His Bride, The Church. Again, wives, this is not a command to you to make your husband love you. It is a command to husbands to be obedient to Christ in daily choosing to love our wife because we have first submitted to Christ and learned to love God with all we are.  Let us be imitators of Christ (Ephesians 5:1-2). Loving submission is the key!

I’ve mentioned before that many of these principles would be repeated and would take on deeper meaning as we learn and apply God’s Truth to the highest of human relationships in marriage so that we can build Godly families, and from these, the loving relationships that are His Church!

Years ago The Spirit revealed one of the most profound teachings and I have taught it faithfully ever since (I know I’m not alone in this but very few that I’ve shared it with have ever thought through this and applied it). It has changed countless husbands and, in the process, marriages (and wives) for His glory. Remember every marriage is intended to reflect His image and glorify Him and also, husbands, that we are the Christ figure in our marriage!

In my prayer and study, I was challenged to go beyond the obvious question, “Husbands, would you take a bullet (die) for your wife?” This is a question most pastors, Christian counselors, or marriage therapists ask reiterating to husbands the command for them “to love their wife and give up their life for her as Christ did the Church” (Ephesians 5:25). As I thought through this The Spirit took me to Philippians 2:5-8. I didn’t get it at first, but the more I prayed and meditated it became clear what He was prompting me to teach in line with His Word.

The Apostle Paul, who wrote both Ephesians and Philippians under the inspiration and guidance of The Holy Spirit, was giving instructions to husbands as to what it truly cost Christ to “lay down His life for His Bride.”

Our first love has to be our love for God. It is from His love for us, and our growing in our love for Him, that we can love all others, including ourselves, which leads to our second command and key to more fully understand this teaching.

Love Who You Are in Christ! (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31)

What is true in every other relationship is even more impactful in marriage. As we mature in our love for God, loving Him with our whole life, He is able to reveal more and more to us who we are created, and recreated in Christ, to be. Only then can we learn to truly love who we are. This is the essence of, and reveals, our second key:

KEY #2…HUMILITY

Philippians 2:3-8: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!”

First of all, as we allow God to reveal who we are in Christ then we begin to form Christ’s Mind in us…that of Humility! The whole description of Christ shows a character of humility; and remember that humility is knowing and being confident and content of who we are in Christ so we can place others above ourselves.  Imagine what our marriages and all relationships would look like as we practice humility in Christ!

FOR HUSBANDS ONLY (but we all can learn from Christ’s example)

This Key of Humility applies to all of us, but husbands I don’t want to leave you hanging any longer. Now that we’ve read through what Christ did for His Bride (Philippians 2:5-8) we can understand and apply Paul’s teaching from Ephesians (5:23-29) more fully when it comes to “laying down our life for our wife” as mentioned in the first key.

Taking a bullet or going to the cross is easy, okay maybe not easy, especially if we know The Lord because we know we’re going to end up with Him. However, Christ did more than just give up His physical life. The passage above describes in detail that the first thing Jesus gave up was His lifestyle—all the glorious life He had with The Father in heaven.

Think about it. When Paul writes that we are to lay down our lives just as Christ did for His Bride, he fully understood that for marriages to be blessed and to reflect all that God intended, we husbands would need to lay down our lifestyles and place the needs and desires of our wife above our own. This has to hold true because had Jesus not surrendered His lifestyle in heaven first, then He could not have become fully God and fully man and His death on The Cross (what we always equate with “giving up our life for our wife”) would have meant nothing.

In order for Jesus’ life and death on earth to accomplish anything He first had to give up His lifestyle in heaven. I know it’s not easy, but it’s good because it is what He has called us to and He did nothing less than model it for us!  This is Humble Submission…the first 2 keys in Kingdom marriage!

Now we can begin to grasp what love truly is and how we can love our wife, family, and all others, which brings us to our third command and the key that it reveals…

Love Others As You Love Yourself! (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31)

Are you beginning to see God’s design for loving relationships? As shared earlier, we can’t fully love others unless we have first begun to grow in our love for God and for ourselves. This should be paramount in how we make disciples. Teach and train first to love God, and love who we are in Christ so we can then love others and show them His love. As we humbly submit to Christ and others and place others before self, we are developing the same attitude and heart as Christ, allowing us to love others with the third key:

KEY #3…SERVANT’S HEART

ew see this when Jesus washes His disciples’ feet and then instructs them to do the same for others in John 13:12-17. “When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his robe and returned to his place. ‘Do you understand what I have done for you?’ he asked them. ‘You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.’”

This Kingdom Truth of Love and relational servant-authority (or leading) is the goal as to how we are to love and lead as He did, rather than conforming to how the world loves and leads.

Remember from our earlier devotionals on this text in John 13 that this in Christ’s Kingdom this is where love (v. 1), humility (v. 3), serving (vv. 4-5), authority (v. 12-13) and discipleship (vv. 14-17) come together. This is what Kingdom relationships are to look like…and the highest of those is Marriage.

“Christ’s idea is that we serve Him by being the servants of other men… He says that in His Kingdom he that is greatest shall be the servant of all. The real test of the saint is not preaching the gospel, but washing disciples’ feet, that is, doing the things that do not count in the actual estimate of men but count everything in the estimate of God.” — Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Imagine once again what our marriages, families and churches would look like if we made disciples that loved God with their whole being and above everything else, loved who we are in Christ, so we could love one another as Christ loved us. Our marriage and family should be integral as His Church, not just going to Church!

This is Christ in us and through us, as we love others in His Covenant Order:

Marriage→ Spouse→Children/Family→His Church→The World.

Loving Service is Authority and Freedom (Matthew 20:25-28)

King Arthur is credited with saying, “In serving each other we become free.” This is not only one of the core principles of Camelot; it is truth for every disciple of Christ and in every marriage, family, and relationship as we build the currency of His Kingdom.

May He find us faithful as His disciples to love as He loved us and as He instructed us to love Him and others—this is how the world can see Who He is in and through us and come to know Him. May it begin in your marriage (and in mine) and may our families and churches be blessed as we live and love, as we are free and as we influence (Kingdom authority) others in His Truth, Grace and Love!

Real Life Application – Leading With a Humble Servant’s Heart

Matthew 20:25-28; Philippians 2:3-5; Ephesians 5:23-28; 1 Peter 5:5

I learned this early in our marriage and the simple lesson has impacted many others. Ami (my wife) came from a divorced family and, as is very common, there are deep issues of distrust. We discussed this often and we both prayed and worked diligently to be aware of the issues and circumstances that would trigger thoughts of distrust as well as those that would build trust.

About three years into our marriage, she called one evening as I was in my office late. I could hear the pain in her voice. You see my job was athletic director and head basketball coach with a small private Christian school that owned none of the fields, gyms, or facilities that we used to practice and compete. At any moment we could lose use of a facility and the schedule would need to be reworked. That meant making calls to the schools we were competing against, referees, and parents.

Most of the time I was given enough lead time to make the changes, but I would fairly often need to work late to have the schedule set for the next day.

That brings us back to Ami’s call. She explained what we’d talked about many times before, that whenever I didn’t show up at or near the appointed time, distrust would rear its ugly head. This happened too many times as I got caught up in getting things in order and failed to give her a call and let her know.

She said, “If you would just give me a call and let me know what’s going on and reassure me that all is well, it would help me a lot.”

Now, as I’ve shared this with many men and couples, the typical response in our pride as men is to think, “She’s just checking up on me and I don’t need another Momma! She just needs to trust me.” I have to admit that knowing I was doing nothing wrong or worthy of distrust, I entertained the same thoughts and response.

However, before I said anything, I said a quick prayer and in that moment The Holy Spirit simply prompted me to think, “Pride or humility? Your choice.”

I asked Ami what she needed and she said, “If you’d just call once or twice a day, especially if something happens and you know your schedule is going to change, that would help me so much.”

Simple, right? I either bow my back and tell her to get over it and trust me, or I do something to help her build more trust in me. The Holy Spirit’s prompting came to me again and it really was simple. Pride puts the burden on her and would continue to lead to distrust. Humility put the burden on me to do all I could to show her that she could trust me. (Philippians 2:3-5)

I began the next day and have not missed a day of calling or texting her in the 25+ years since. Distrust faded and trust became her default as God directed me to think of her above myself and I obeyed instead of giving into my pride. With that trust came an ever-growing peace in our marriage and family. Totally worth it!

I close this with what I share with every guy that I counsel on this: “You can choose to think, ‘I don’t need another Momma,’ (every one of them shares that thought in some way), or you can humbly do what’s best for your wife and marriage.

Food for Thought – Husbands, a brief few minutes touching base throughout the day will mean two to four hours of peace each evening that builds more and more over the course of your marriage as long as you are honest and trustworthy. Or you can choose to put the burden on her and watch the tension and distrust build each evening and throughout your marriage. Seems like a ‘no-brainer’ to me, but it’s your choice.”

Love in Action –

1. Read the Scriptures in this article. Ask The Holy Spirit to change your heart and teach you how to apply the 3 Keys of Agape Relationships.
2. How are these 3 Keys to Agape Relationships evident in your life?
3. Where do you need to grow in any or all of these 3 Keys in your relationships, especially in your marriage and family? 
4. What’s holding you back?  Be brutally honest and then seek The Lord and His Spirit to make the changes needed.

Love and Lordship Prayer Focus Heavenly Father, I want to love like You do.  Holy Spirit, teach me according to Your Word and Christ’s example how to humble submit and serve my spouse, my family and all that I encounter with the Love of Jesus.  In His Name. Amen.