How to Love Your Spouse
“Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Paul (Ephesians 5:33)
Love and Lordship in Focus…God’s Word is very straightforward as to how husbands and wives are to love each other. The problem is when we try to play God and force our spouse to hold up their end of the deal while avoiding our own obedience of His Word to us.
I hear and see this far too often…”Too many days throughout our marriage, I’ve given my best to others in my work, leaving my leftovers for my spouse (in particular a husband leaving leftovers for his wife but not always)—as if everyone else is prime rib and she’s chopped liver.” We must learn to be more aware and intentional to remind our spouse every single day, “I love you, not just in big, flamboyant ways, but in little and meaningful ways that tally up to a cherished spouse…and one who knows they are cherished.
The simple things in life can make a huge impact. We’ve all heard the saying “it’s the little things that mean the most.” Legendary college basketball coach John Wooden went a step further when he said that “it’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.” That’s great marriage and relationship advice.
Here are 9 seemingly little but powerful ways to show your spouse love…with some Scriptural reinforcement…
1. Express a greeting each day. Build on God’s promise to you of new mercy every morning (Lamentations 3:23)
Don’t overlook the simple but obvious. Each day begins with a new opportunity to encourage your spouse and start the day with a loving “good morning” or “I love you” that recognizes his or her dignity and value and what he or she means to you. If for any reason you can’t do it personally, shoot him/her a text or email to let him or her know.
2. Leave a note for your spouse. Build on #1!
Again this can be digital but make sure that every once in a while it’s in a handwritten form. This is a quick but meaningful time to share how important your spouse is to you.
3. Find ways each day to compliment your spouse, personally and publicly. (Ephesians 4:29)
What are your words doing to your spouse…building them up or tearing them down? Sincere compliments go a long way and are one of the best ways to show your love.
4. Say “I love you” every chance you get, whether you feel like it or not. (1 Corinthians 13:7)
How often have we talked about this in TAOL. While there are good and bad emotions related to love, love itself is true commitment and intentional investment. What better way to be intentional than to express love even when you don’t feel like it?
5. Give your full attention to your spouse. (Song of Solomon 4:1a/b; 7)
How do you feel when your spouse is focused (or at least appears to be) on other things when you’re talking to him/her. This always pushes your spouse away, even when that’s not the intention. Draw them to you by choosing to focus and pay attention!
6. Building on #5 practice active listening to your spouse. (1 Corinthians 13:5a/b)
As you learn to focus and pay attention you begin to show value and become much more engaged with your spouse…that’s a deeper love that places him/her above yourself.
7. Ask and offer to serve your spouse often. (Philippians 2:3-5)
What better way to show you’re paying attention (loving) your spouse than when you look for and offer help without being asked. I promise you it will bring many rewards and blessings with this simple act of serving and loving.
8. Practice and learn to touch without expecting sex. (1 Corinthians 13:5c/d)
I don’t want to sound sexist hear but I think I need to make this statement…this is mainly (but not always) for us guys! We’re all wired to need physical contact, and it certainly enhances your marriage’s sexual relationship. But guys, our wives need touches without expectations. A light touch on the hand, shoulder or back, without “demanding” (and you know what I mean with that word) a return, offers comfort, encouragement and closeness. I promise you’ll find many great benefits…and one of them is likely to be more and better sex. Give it a try and keep on trying it to find out.
9. Thank your spouse consistently and as appropriate.
Don’t patronize but also don’t use it as an excuse not to say “Thank you” as often as you can.
Gratitude expresses a joyous heart and the two most transformational words in a relationship “thank you.” Again, be proactive and other-focused and look for reasons to show how grateful you are to your spouse for what he or she does and says—and even more importantly for who your spouse is.
Food for Thought…In your experience, what have you learned about how to show love to your spouse? How might these simple but impactful actions encourage your spouse and build a much stronger and fulfilling marriage…if you’re willing to make it happen?
Love in Action –
- Choose to spend time with God in His Word and prayer every day.
- As you do so, ask The Holy Spirit to teach you how His Word can make this kind of love a reality in your marriage.
- If you’ve not been looking for little, simple ways to love your spouse, ask him/her for forgiveness and begin today…see #4.
- Choose at least one of these suggestions and begin practicing it today…and every day…and add one or more each day or week to develop your relationship and see the powerful impact it has on your spouse…and marriage!
Contact us at loveandlordship@gmail.com.
Love and Lordship Prayer Focus…Heavenly Father, Your Word is clear on the commands to me as a spouse toward my spouse. May I humbly obey Your command to me and trust You to work in and through me to help my spouse see Your Love. May I entrust my spouse to Your care as they choose to lovingly obey You as well. In Jesus Name. Amen.