Mentoring Minutes

Once again God makes it very obvious in His Word that there is a priority when it comes to love and relationships.  And it begins with Him!  He even uses the words “first” and “greatest,” and that should compel us to respond with the same priority and urgency when it comes to love for Him and others. 

Reiterating Dr. Tony Evans’s words, “Our God is a Covenant-making and Covenant-keeping God and every Covenant has an order.”  So based on God’s Word, what is the order of His Covenant?  What are God’s, and therefore our, priorities when it comes to relationships?

Priority of Relationships

The following precepts are what God has shared, commanded, and encouraged in His Word with regard to living in relationship with Him and with our fellow man (Scriptures are for your reference and study):

1. God is Love and we love because He first loved us – we cannot know love apart from God (1 John 4:8, 19).  Love must originate and be found in Him.

In our love for Him and others we are actually given four commands summed up in the two greatest commands found initially in Deuteronomy 6:4-5 and then repeated in Mark 12:29-31 and Matthew 22:37-39.  Notice the use in these Scriptures of the words “first,” “greatest,” and “second,” as well as “all.” He is literally giving us order and priority, which should carry over into all our relationships.

1. The First Command, Part 1 – Honor and worship The Lord as The One and Only God (Deuteronomy 6:4; Mark 12:29)
2. The First and Greatest command, Part 2 – Love the Lord with all you are  (Matthew 22:37-38; Mark 12:30)
3. Living the First Command – Seek The Lord and His Kingdom and righteousness first, above everything else in your life and with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:11-13; Matthew 6:33)
4. The Second Command, Part 1 – Love yourself—the self that God created you to be and recreated you to be in Christ (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Ephesians 2:10)—so you can die to yourself and complete the second command.
5. Second command, Part 2 – Love your neighbor as you love yourself (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31)

Loving my neighbor (all others), continuing with priority and order:

1. Marriage – Only covenant/highest human relationship; as one in Christ this new “disciple” takes priority over either spouse (Matthew 19:4-6)
2. Spouse – Reflects Christ and His Bride (Ephesians 5:21-27; 32-33)
3. Children – God builds His family with Godly offspring (Malachi 2:13-16; Ephesians 6:4)
4. Family members (I Timothy 3:5; 5:4, 8)
5. Friends/Family of God (Galatians 6:10; 1 Peter 2:17); also remembering Christ’s words regarding family (Luke 8:20-22)
6. Others/Worldly Acquaintances (Romans 12:18, 21; Galatians 6:10)
7. Enemies (Matthew 5:11, 44; Luke 10:30-37; Romans 12:14)

Here’s the power of what God has given us in His Covenant Order and prioritizing how we are to love.  Priorities, as previously stated, reveal who is Lord/lord in our life.  Priorities also order our decision-making and our relationships.  Our time and schedules should reflect this.  As we walk with Christ as Lord and in line with His Word, we can order our thoughts, lives, and decisions to show the love we are given and called to share as His disciples in a way that it brings us His Shalom or wholeness and peace.

We will have to sacrifice; that is what love does, as evident in Christ’s life and teaching and in God’s Word and commands for us to love as He loved us.  This is love and this is how we are to build the relationships together as His disciples to grow His Church and His Kingdom.

One final note in tying together discipleship and relationship…I’ve never seen this happen in practice, although I’ve heard it talked about.  If discipleship is lived out in relationship and relationships are formed and matured through loving discipleship, then we should follow God’s Covenant Order when it comes to discipling believers in Christ.

Leaders, how often do we place, implicitly or explicitly (and I’ve seen and heard countless examples of both), the needs of the local fellowship and community above that of personal maturity in Christ and marriages and families within the church?  How often have we encouraged, cajoled, and even lovingly manipulated members to sign up and serve to show others in the church and community how much God loves them by how much we love them, having spent little or no time discipling them in the greatest commands…worship and love God first, know and love who we are in Christ, then we are equipped and maturing as we love others?

Church members and attendees, have you ever felt pushed to serve, overlooked, or cajoled or manipulated into service for others while you were or are very young in Christ?  Did you have any idea what it meant or means to know and love Him with all you are and love who you are in Him in order to truly love others?

When have we discipled, in a deep and ongoing way, new and young believers in what it means to know, worship, and love God with all they are?  When have we discipled them in this process to understand that they are deeply loved and as they come to know, worship, and love God with their whole being, He will show them who they are in Christ so they can love themselves? 

Only then can we, by following God’s priorities and order for relationships, begin to see disciples that can love their neighbors (all others…from marriage, spouse and children, to enemies) as they love themselves.  Then finally we can love as Christ did by giving ourselves away for others. 

The world will see the difference in our relationships not just in our service.  Then we can build the loving relationships that are His Church and can impact this culture and world for His Kingdom! 

The Rest of the Story

As promised I’m going to take you back to an earlier story regarding my speaking at a large men’s group and asking them about attending a Promise Keepers (PK) conference (see article here to remind you are catch you up… https://loveandlordship.com/blog/relationships-what-we-were-created-for/

Following through on the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I asked,  “One more question, and please don’t raise your hand on this one.  How many of you are going to the PK Conference just so you don’t have to spend time with your spouse and family?”

You could hear a pin drop and many heads did as well. 

I finished the session and closed with prayer. 

After we were dismissed several men (every one that speaks up represents ten that are afraid to) came up to me and said words to this effect: “You nailed me. It sounds really good to attend a Christian men’s conference and claim to be a Christ follower, but I’m not doing it where it really counts, with my wife and children.” 

We love events and conferences and men’s breakfasts, etc., in order to claim that we are, or are becoming, Godly men.  But when it comes to stepping up and fulfilling the actual role of being Godly husbands, fathers, and disciples as His Word tells us, we tend to fall short of the mark.

This is not a condemnation on PK or other excellent groups calling men to this standard.  I believe they would agree with my line of questioning and peeling back the layers to expose the real issues that God is calling us to as men, husbands and fathers—as disciples of Christ and His sons!  And the same holds true for the women of God as well.

To be faithful in every circumstance means that we have only one loyalty, and that is to our Lord… We will be loyal to work, to service, to anything, but do not ask us to be loyal to Jesus Christ… The idea is not that we do work for God, but that we are so loyal to Him that He can do His work through us — “I reckon on you for extreme service, with no complaining on your part and no explanation on Mine.” God wants to use us as He used His own Son.  Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest 

Contact L&L to let us know what you’re thinking and how we can help.

Give online as The Lord leads – https://give.cornerstone.cc/loveandlordship.

You can find videos, articles and podcasts at www.loveandlorship.com. 

Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – “Our God is a covenant-making and covenant-keeping God and every covenant has an order.” Dr. Tony Evans

Are you keeping God’s Covenant order when it comes to building and maintaining loving relationships with Him and those He’s placed in your life?  

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – 1) Spend time with God in His Word, prayer and quiet time every day; 2) Ask God during these times to show you Who He Is and How much He loves you; 3) Ask Him to show you how to love Him with all you are; 4) Find a way each day to actively love those who God has placed in your life… spouse, children, family, co-workers, and even enemies; 5) If you’re single, honor and love God by being pure in your relationships.

Hesed/Agape – The Real Truth About Real Love

We’ve spent quite a bit of time over the last few weeks discussing the brokenness of relationships and the lusts and selfishness of porneia and pride that destroys them.  It’s time we shifted to what God’s Word has to say about love. 

Don’t miss this—God’s love is a commitment, a choice, and an act of the will.  Feelings aside, we choose to love and, as a matter of Biblical principles, that’s exactly what we’re called to do in every relationship…spouse, family member, friends or enemies.  We make the choice to commit to what’s best for them regardless of their actions or responses to us.  We choose to guide our emotions, walking in Truth rather than just follow, be guided by, or be a slave to our feelings.

Love is also an intentional investment in others.  We willingly submit and intentionally give of ourselves for their sake.  We may not feel like it, but we are always called, as disciples of Christ, to love—so we have to invest in others whether they choose to do so in us or not. Can anyone say “Cookie Jar?” (see https://loveandlordship.com/blog/the-cookie-jar-a-satire-on-love/).

You may understand these principles, even if they are difficult to grasp, but this next one can be difficult to accept.  Yet it is directly from God’s Word and we need to pay attention to it so we can more fully understand His love and live it out in our lives and relationships.

The Full-Orbed Love of God – A Tale of Two Loves

God’s Love as Compassion

God’s love is a full-orbed love.  Let me explain using the example of two men in Scripture.  With the first we find a love based on compassion that prompts the perfect response from Jesus.  In Mark 1:40-42 we read, “And a leper came to Jesus, begging Him and falling on his knees before Him, and saying, ‘If You are willing, You can make me clean.’ Moved with compassion, Jesus stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, ‘I am willing; be cleansed.’ Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cleansed.” (Bold text mine and added for emphasis)

Here we see Jesus emotionally moved to compassion to the point that He acted on that compassion and did what any of us would expect Him to do—He healed Him.  You don’t even have to be a believer to like this guy.  He heals people and restores their life and livelihood that leprosy, in this case, had stolen from him.  What a great guy and what an act of love!

The Greek word, splanchnizomai, means to be moved with compassion or pity.  This word and related words is used 12 other times in the New Testament and every single time it translates as someone being moved with emotion to the point of doing something favorable for the other person. 

I’m no Greek scholar, but I think it’s very clear that Jesus’ act of love was an act of compassion motivated by how He felt for the leper.   I’ve never run across anyone who has a problem with what Jesus did for this guy.  How loving and wonderful He was in His perfect love for the leper.

Before we move to the next man that Jesus encountered, let me give you a question to ponder: “Does God/Jesus always love perfectly?”  Your answer may get challenged in your own thinking and that of some of our modern-day churches and culture as we look at the other side of God’s “full-orbed” love.

God’s Love as Painful Truth

In Mark 10, another young man pursues Jesus.  “As He was setting out on a journey, a man ran up to Him and knelt before Him, and asked Him, ‘Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Why do you call Me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments, ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’ And he said to Him, ‘Teacher, I have kept all these things from my youth up.’ Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him and said to him, ‘One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.’ But at these words he was saddened, and he went away grieving, for he was one who owned much property.”  (Mark 10:17-22)  (Bold text mine and added for emphasis)

I’ve heard dozens of sermons on the rich young ruler, and one thing I’ve never heard explained with any clarity was the phrase in verse 21: “Looking at him, Jesus felt a love for him.”  As I studied and prayed about this, fully believing that Jesus/God always loved perfectly, I asked The Spirit to show me what’s going on here.  It’s easy to see Christ’s love for the leper, as it is likely what every one of us would have done had we the power and opportunity to do so. We would have healed him and given him back his life.

The love for the rich young ruler that Jesus displayed is puzzling at best and frustrating at worst.  If we’re honest with ourselves as believers, and especially as modern-day church-going believers, we struggle with Jesus’ response to him.  Here the Greek word is “agapao,” rooted in “agape” or God’s selfless, sacrificial love.  “Agapao” is used 110 times in the New Testament (appearing 47 times in the Gospels) and “agape” appears 106 times in the New Testament (8 times in the Gospels)* and every time it deals with love for others that esteems them above self—whether it is a family member, neighbor, stranger, or enemy.  *The NAS New Testament Greek Lexicon

What in the world is God trying to tell us?  First of all, I think He is teaching us that love expresses itself perfectly every time.  In the case of these two men, one expression is with heartfelt compassion and the other in heart-spoken Truth.  But I think there’s a second lesson that The Holy Spirit is trying to teach us through the choice of words used: the deeper word defined as love with the rich young ruler is “agapao” and is stronger than the description of love as compassion.  While we must teach and model compassion, sharing truth is the most loving thing we can do and we must present it completely regardless of how those who hear it may respond.  Jesus knew the rich young man would reject His loving truth, but the greatest and most perfect act of love was to tell Him the Truth that alone could set Him free.

Some time after I’d prayed and come to this understanding, I was teaching this and sharing these thoughts. There was a couple sitting on the front row and you could see that his wheels were turning.  He raised his hand and said, “Greg, I’ve never heard this before, it’s powerful. But I do have one question.  You’ve been talking about ‘agape’ love as God’s selfless, sacrificial love that He desires all of us to know in our marriages, families, and in His Church for each other and others.  What was Jesus sacrificing in this case?”

Admittedly, I’d never gone that far; I’d just accepted what The Holy Spirit had shown me that I just described above, but this was a great question.  I quickly and silently asked The Holy Spirit to guide me as I always try to do. Here are the thoughts that immediately came to my mind.  (I have to be careful here because I do believe that this is a legitimate answer from The Spirit, but it may not be the only one and we must be careful how we apply it.)  This is simply food for thought…

I looked at the gentleman and then the rest of the attendees and said, “You remember the guy who carried the money bag for Jesus and His apostles?”  Several replied, “Judas.”  I said, “Correct, and here’s where I think Jesus may have been sacrificing.  He could have said, ‘Why don’t you sell 90% or 50% or even 10% and put it in Judas’s money bag?  With your wealth we could really expand our ministry and reach many more if you join us and give of your wealth.’”

You see where I believe The Lord was leading me and teaching us?  His love always begins in the heart of the individual involved.  As we make more and more disciples and build relationship then we expand our outreach and ministry through them.  Again, I want to be careful, but I’m not sure what else Jesus was sacrificing if it wasn’t something that could be done for Him and His ministry. Yet He loved the man enough to tell him what he needed to hear even if it meant he would walk away—and he did just that.

What does this mean as we learn about sacrifice and compassion when it comes to God’s love toward us?  How do we live in that love with Him and with others? 

Contact L&L to let us know what you’re thinking and how we can help.

Give online as The Lord leads – https://give.cornerstone.cc/loveandlordship.

You can find videos, articles and podcasts at www.loveandlorship.com. 

Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – It can be pretty easy to have compassion for and serve our fellow man, even out of our own flesh…as we may be rewarded by others’ applause or esteem.  However to tell someone the Truth is always the most loving and best thing we can do…and that’s not always easy.   

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – 1) Look for ways to act out of unconditional compassion and follow through accordingly; 2) Evaluate areas and relationships where you may be withholding the Truth to keep in good standing with others; 3) Ask The Lord to show you how you can both give compassionately without pride and speak truthfully in love; 4) Ask for His strength for you to consistently love with His full-orbed Love.

I present the Love and Lordship series multiple times a year.  In our discussion on agape and porneia we view a clip from Fireproof: The Movie and I connect it with King David’s adultery with Bathsheba and subsequent murder of her husband, Uriah (one of his top lieutenants).  A few years ago as I was presenting this The Holy Spirit gave me some insights that have helped many in their battle against porneia and other sins.

We view the movie clip where Caleb (Kirk Cameron’s character) is looking at some pictures on his computer screen and up pops a porn invitation.  He struggles with whether to click on it or not but chooses to read the “The Love Dare” journal that his father has challenged him to work through. He ultimately chooses against the porn and takes his computer monitor outside and destroys it with a baseball bat.  It’s both comical and poignant at the same time.

During one of these teaching sessions as we transitioned to talk about King David’s struggles, I was prompted to ask if anyone noticed what Caleb was viewing on his computer when the “temptation” popped up?  No one had noticed and neither had I for several years of seeing it.  I revealed to them that he was viewing some really nice boats. 

The backstory was that he was selfishly withholding things from his marriage and wife while saving money to buy a boat.  Disclaimer:  buying a boat is not in and of itself selfish, but for the purposes of the movie it clearly was. 

I then asked the men to explain the significance of what he was viewing.  Silence.  Here’s the insight, and then I’ll apply it to a retelling of King David’s story to give us more discernment as to how our natural selfish mind thinks and how the enemy uses it in temptation and attempts to lead us into sin.

God has all foreknowledge and wisdom, which means He can see the future and know what we’re thinking and our responses.  There could be another whole book on that statement alone, but it’s true and it’s all we need to know for the purposes of this story and teaching.  Satan, on the other hand, does not have foreknowledge and can only respond and act on what we are thinking.  This is why it’s so important to guard our thoughts, take them captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), and renew our minds (Romans 12:2) so he can’t get a toe, foot, or stronghold in our lives.

Isn’t it interesting that as Caleb was viewing the boat, the item he was sure would fully satisfy him, that the porn temptation popped up?  The selfish state of his mind (the movie has made it clear that the boat was an idol for him) made it easier for the enemy to draw him in.  He wisely chose to fight against it and won the battle.

Now let’s apply that to King David. I ask for some leeway here as I’m going to “fill in some gaps” in the story that completely fit the context and may help us see how the self-absorbed mind makes it so much easier to fall into temptation and sin.

Second Samuel 11:1 says, “in the spring, at the time when kings go out to battle,” and then proceeds to tell us that King David decided to send his general and army out to clean up some unfinished business in war while he lounged around his palace.  There’s nothing particularly sinful about his choice, but it does give us insight into his mind.  He was thinking about David rather than his army.  Otherwise he would have gone with them as kings do.

The Bible gives us no indication whatsoever that he stayed home for any particular reason and especially not to look for naked women.  One evening he’s walking on his palace rooftop and sees a beautiful woman bathing.  He’s stricken with her and immediately asks his servant to go ask who she is.

Here’s where I interject David’s potential and likely thought patterns based on his self-absorbed decision to stay home and take it easy rather than go to battle with his men.  What story do you think David may have crafted in his mind as his servant is inquiring about the beautiful woman?

Maybe it goes something like this…“I can’t wait for my servant to return and tell me this woman’s name and even more importantly that she’s single and available.”  I mean initially if he’s going to enter into a relationship he wants it to be done the right way and I’m sure he’s thinking this is all going to work out great.

The problem occurs when the servant returns to report that Bathsheba is not only married but it is to one of David’s top men, Uriah the Hittite.  Now David has to figure out whether he’s going to continue with the story in his mind where this woman is his to have or follow God’s Truth and leave her to her husband.

Once again, the choice reveals where the mind is leading.  David sends for her and sleeps with her.  Seems like he’s gotten away with it until Bathsheba sends a report that she’s pregnant!  It couldn’t be her husband as he’s off fighting David’s war.

David schemes to bring Uriah home so he’ll sleep with his wife and cover it up.  Uriah does the noble thing for both nights and does not sleep with his wife because that would not be right with the other warriors out to battle.

David devises a plan and sends a letter to Joab, commander of his army, to put Uriah on the front lines where the fighting is most fierce.  As designed, Uriah is killed in battle.

David then eventually marries Bathsheba and thinks the ruse is complete until the prophet, Nathan, approaches him approximately nine months later and tells him a story.  The story is to convict David of his sin but while he recognizes the sin in the story, his sin has blinded him to the fact the he was the one guilty and deserving of death. 

Here’s what we need to learn from David and Caleb.  We must guard our hearts and minds as self-absorbed thinking opens the door for the enemy to tempt us.  We then have the choice to avoid the temptation and sin or give into it.  The sooner we change our thinking, including at the very beginning as we dwell on our self, the easier it is to avoid the temptation.  The more we think about self the easier it is to give into the temptation, follow through on the sin, and even cover it up and be blind to it in our own eyes.

That’s the nature of self, lust, pride, and sin, and the sooner we die to self and live for Christ and His love the stronger we are in Him to overcome any temptation.

Knowing who we are in Christ and knowing and aligning our thoughts with His Word and Truth gives us the best view of who we are in Him and keeps us from becoming so self-absorbed and vulnerable to temptation and sin. 

Contact L&L to let us know what you’re thinking and how we can help.

Give online as The Lord leads – https://give.cornerstone.cc/loveandlordship.

You can find videos, articles and podcasts at www.loveandlorship.com. 

Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – The problem is not that we necessarily think of ourselves too highly, we simply think of ourselves too much, usually with some worry and anxiety…Do I look good enough?  Do I have enough?  Am I successful? And it goes on and on!  As we know who we are in Christ it’s much easier to have a realistic view of yourself without allowing self-focus to make us ripe for temptation and sin.

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – 1) Ask The Lord to reveal to you when you are self-absorbed (this doesn’t necessarily mean sin but simply focusing almost exclusively on self); 2) Evaluate what prompts you toward self-focus; 3) Begin to replace those thoughts with God’s Word and what you can and should do for others; 4) Act on this new thinking by serving others as The Lord leads.