Mentoring Minutes

  (2 Timothy 2:15 AMP)

We’ve been looking at what God says in His Word to overcome our own flesh and pride, the world and the enemy, to love and lead in line with His will and Covenant order. Let’s now look at the practical and expected outcomes as we apply them in our lives, families, and in His Church.

As families and churches focus on the following in obedience-based discipleship, these will become more prevalent in our lives, homes, and relationships and in His Body:

1) The Lordship of Christ (Truth) will be our top priority. (Luke 14:25-35)

We must begin to see true discipleship in our lives as much more than just attending church, giving some money and serving others. We must make Christ Lord of all of our lives, with all our hearts, as we die to self and take up our cross to follow Him! Attending, giving and serving will be in line with what He has called us to and how we lovingly obey Him in all things!

Discipleship is a heart surrendered to Him and a life of maturation in Him.

Hopefully you notice the intentional repetition from previous posts. We looked at the Scriptural Truths that we’re called to in order to truly love and lead as Christ taught and modeled. Now we’re looking at what our loving obedient responses need to be in order for these Truths to become actual solutions and lifestyles in a world that increasingly calls them radical.

With that said our next practical application in obedience to His Word…we need to be taught and to:

2) Teach disciples to first know God’s love for us, followed by loving Him with all we are and then loving who we are in Christ so we can love others. (Mark 12:29-31)

Again we assume that salvation equals maturity and yet God’s Word tells us that when we are saved we are “born again”…an infant in Christ. We need to be taught/discipled as to what it means to know God’s Love and to love Him with all we are before we can know and love ourselves and then love others. These are the clear priority commands in His Word. Let’s obey accordingly and love like He does!

This is how it is to look in our lives and relationships for His Kingdom and Glory…

3) Obedience-based discipleship and maturity in Christ will be the priority and be evident in Church teaching, in our relationships and serving others, beginning in the home and family.  (Ephesians 4:14-16)

Often as I share and speak I will have pastors or church leaders ask me if what they’re doing is discipleship? I want to be clear as to what they’re asking so I have them share with me what they mean and they always point to their weekend or Sunday preaching and their classroom or small group teachings (if they have these).

My response is that while these are certainly part of God’s design and can lay a foundation for discipleship, in and of themselves they are not discipleship. I then ask  2 questions crucial for any and all discipleship…and where we fall so far short of making disciples who make disciples:

1) What is the Kingdom fruit of relationships and maturity from the preaching and teaching?

2) What accountability do you have for obedience to the preaching and teaching to ensure folks are maturing in The Lord?

Preaching and teaching are necessary but discipleship goes much deeper and we are all called to be disciples who make disciples. Do you love God in obedience to Christ’s Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20)?

The discipleship of all peoples begins in our homes, churches and communities!

As we continue to follow the Truth of Scripture in how we are to make disciples of Christ in loving relationships, the following will occur…

4) We will begin to revalue and rebuild a Kingdom marriage and family culture that emphasizes:

– Teaching/accountability in agape relationships and sexual purity (Hebrews 13:4);

– Relational servant-leadership modeled/taught in the home (Matthew 20:24-28);

– Generational discipleship beginning in the home and reinforced in churches (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).

This has to be more than just making church converts that attend, give and serve…it has to be those who are sold out to Christ!

He’s called us and will see us through…to be like Him and help others do the same!

The next application from God’s Word flies in the face of our flesh and culture. We could entitle this “The Discipline of Love” as the world hates to see those 2 words together…discipline and love. They want love to be all about feelings, pleasure and satisfying their own desires. God’s Word and Son show us a completely different Love rooted in Truth…selfless, sacrificial, unconditional and self-giving! (John 15:12-13, 17; 13:34-35)…

5) Building relationships is taught as part of Spiritual Disciplines and Discipleship rather than deferring to the culture’s concept of relationships occurring naturally:

– Discipling and mentoring, Serving and relational servant-leadership flows from applying Scriptures with the understanding that good relationships are formed in the discipline of The Holy Spirit and in line with God’s Word rather than just according to our natural, selfish flesh and desires.

We can only do this by The Holy Spirit in our lives in the power of The Risen Christ!

As we follow God’s Word and continue to grow in faith, love and obedience as disciples of Christ, abiding in Him, we will see the following:

6) Our maturity in Christ focuses on and builds a family-based Church rather than a corporate, business-based model driven by goals and outcomes. (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

Instead of worldly success defined by numbers, He produces Kingdom fruit through patience, perseverance and pruning (John 15:1-11). This is what we are called to, what discipleship looks like, and what will build His Church that the gates of Hell cannot prevail against!

Continuing in loving obedience to God’s Word for building relationships that reflect His Love and making disciples who live in and share His Truth in love, we find…

7) The Biblical emphasis of discipleship in loving relationships as Kingdom fruit is prioritized and drives decision-making with regard to programs, growth, finances, service and other elements rather than the reverse. (Galatians 6:7-10; 1 Peter 4:17)

Living in His Word of Truth is the only thing that sets us free from the tyranny of a worldly success model of church!

The final solution from God’s Word regarding how we are to love and lead is actually the conclusion and outcome of disciples making disciples in loving relationships. This is not only for individual salvation and sanctification but collectively we mature as Christ’s Church that can reach and impact a depraved, broken and hurting culture for His Kingdom and Glory…

8)  A familial and relational Church develops disciples who serve, give, share, and lead as a result of priority principles of Christ’s Lordship and our discipleship rather than service opportunities and programs masquerading as discipleship. Beginning in our marriages and families, loving service is essential in discipleship and Church growth but should predominantly flow from study and maturity, personally and relationally, and expectation of, and growth in, obedience rather than preceding it. (1 Timothy 3:4-5)

For far too long we’ve come up with ways to “love and lead” that actually put the cart before horse as we’ve not made disciples but church converts. In so doing much is done out of serving in the flesh rather than maturity in The Word, The Spirit and loving relationships. This happens easily in a broken world but it is not in line with God’s Word. May we not be deceived but rather follow His Word in making disciples in our families and in His Church so the world will know and desire Christ as Savior and Lord. (Matthew 7:21-23)

Loving Relationships and Disciple-making  (John 13:35; 15:12)

As we’ve walked through God’s Word and Covenant Order in these posts over the last year it leads us to some provocative questions:

Who’s your Lord or lord? Either it is the God of Salvation and of all of Creation…or it is satan. There is no in between of our own little kingdom that God is okay with!

Every motive, thought, decision, action and relationship reveals who’s your Lord.

God Word tells us to think on those things we can’t see as they are Eternal rather than dwelling on what we can see which is only temporal (2 Corinthians 4:18)? What do you spend your time dwelling on, responding to and building toward?

How are we really doing when it comes to making disciples, and building loving relationships in our marriages and homes that can stand against the cultural tide and help build the fellowship of believers that is Christ’s Church?

This is Christ’s command.  He has given us all we need to be His disciples and make disciples as we trust in Him and are obedient to His Word. (Philippians 4:13, 19)

As we walk in loving obedience as Christ’s disciples, first and foremost in our marriages and families, and as His Family, The Church, will a world that needs it really hear and see His message of grace, Truth, Love and salvation/sanctification.

They will probably not like it initially; but those with eyes to see and ears to hear cannot help but answer one way or another that they desire to be His or want no part of Him. Let’s show them His Love & Lordship so they can know. (1 John 2:3-5)

“I’ve often wondered what Jesus’ “Sermon on the Mount” would have looked like if He would have had to run it through most modern-day church boards.”

— Ronald Reagan

“If a church offers no truth that is not available in the general culture…there is not much reason to pay it attention.”                             — Richard John Neuhaus

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – There has to be a clear difference in our lives, relationships and message about Christ and the culture for the world to know they need Him.

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) –

1. Read the Scriptures in this article and ask The Holy Spirit to teach you.
2. Determine what you need to do to be Christ’s disciple in line with His Word.
3. Begin today to obey His Word in every part of your life. 

(John 13:14-17)

We’ve been looking at the obstacles in our flesh that make it difficult to love and lead as Christ did.  His Word gives us clear commands in His Covenant Order as to how we are to love and lead as His disciples in all loving relationships in our homes and churches and beyond for His Kingdom and Glory.

I’m going to briefly share Scripture for training disciples, building Christ-like character and healthy loving relationships that honor marriage and family that reflect His Truth and loving image. I’m including the principles and related Scriptures for your personal study and growth as His disciple, as a spouse, parent and brother/sister in Christ…also so you can disciple others in Him.

We will look at seven Scriptural solutions and follow up next week, Lord willing, with practical application of these. We can and are called to trust and walk in Him and His Truth as it is the only way we can accomplish these:

1) Above all else, we need to seek to know the Love and Lordship of Christ and His model of relational servant-leadership as Authority (Truth)–1 John 4:19; Matthew 6:33; 20:24-28; Mark 12:29-31; John 13:1-17, 34

This begins by recognizing that we can only love because He first loved us. We then can start to grow by seeking Him above all else and learning to love Him with all we are. As we do so He shows us who we are in Christ and how we can love ourselves as He does.

As we are discipled to grow in these priority commandments, we mature to serve and disciple others in these same Truths by grace in faith and love.

Continuing with how we are to love and lead according to God’s Word…

2) Discipleship is our response to His Lordship and how we mature in Him–Ephesians 4:13; Hebrews 5:14; James 1:2-4…by bearing fruit and growing in the knowledge of God–Colossians 9:1-11; Galatians 5:22-24

We can only grow in Christ by sharing and receiving His Truth in Love. In so doing we mature individually as His disciples and collectively as His Body, The Church.

Much of today’s discipleship is defined and lived out as: 1) Attend church; 2) Give some money, and; 3) Serve. Study and prayer are optional and you can do these in a class or small group.  These are all good things and needed but they fall far short of Jesus’ definition to be His disciple in Luke 14:25-35…1) He must take priority in our lives in all things; 2) We must do it wholeheartedly as halfhearted surrender is really no surrender at all and becomes a laughingstock both of our lives and our faith, and; 3) We must deny our self, take up our cross and go to our death (die to our own fleshly desires and pleasures) and totally follow Him.

The first trio of actions above mean very little in and of themselves. Only as they are an overflow of the second three actions listed above are they in line with His Word and worthy of being called His disciple…as Jesus defined discipleship.

Our next Biblical solution is…

3) As we are created in His image, we are to live out our discipleship in loving relationships and community with one another. We do this by prioritizing our relationships in His Covenant Order: Christ–>Marriage/Family–>Church–>World – Genesis 2:24; Matthew 5:19; Hebrews 13:4; Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:1-4

God’s design began with and always includes the building of loving relationships in His Truth so we can show the world His Truth and Love. He began with a marriage and family and from there called us into the family of believers in Christ as His Church. Disciples are made in loving relationships and that has never changed.

All the programs and systems in the world, including many of the church programs that have conformed to the world, fall short because they assume the world’s “natural” love and relationships which are rooted in the flesh and bring destruction. Only those relationships formed in Christ declare His Love and make His disciples.

Continuing with what God’s Word has to say about how we learn to love and lead…

4) As we are willing to follow His Word and Covenant Order this enables us to mature in discipleship and mentoring and in building loving relationships with Him and others through studying and serving according to His Word–2 Timothy 2:15; Matthew 28:18-20; Hebrews 5:11–6:6

As we study and grow according to God’s Word and will, we learn to love and lead in our families, our churches and in the world according to His Authority, which is always invited influence. He never demands, He simply instructs and sets the example and leaves the choice to those who would lovingly obey Him. I pray that we will love and obey so that we will mature in our love for Him and others and lead them accordingly.

Our fifth Biblical solution is crucial in that it is the reason why we are called to love and lead first in our families and the fruit then is seen in Christ’s Church…

5) As we mature in Christ He builds a relational or family-based Body of believers rather than corporate and business-based–Ephesians 2:11-22; Ephesians 4

Isn’t it interesting and hopefully compelling that the Scriptures above in Ephesians 2 and 4 are followed in Ephesians 5 and 6 by His Covenant Order of loving and leading in marriage and family with marriage representing Christ and The Church, His Bride!  We must not continue to conform to the way of the world!

Moving along with our sixth solution that The Lord has provided in His Word for building healthy and Godly relationships that strengthen the love and servant-leadership in our homes and in Christ’s Church…

6) We are called to His Covenant priorities and throughout His Word these are familial and relational, rooted in character above performance, growth, financial, and numbers served; business acumen and ability are assumed and needed but not prioritized over family and relationships in selecting leaders and in decision-making (1 Timothy 3:1-13 (emphasis vv. 4-5); Titus 1:5-9)

We can only do this in His strength by His grace!

As we wrap up with these solutions for loving and leading our families and Christ’s Family, we look at the outcomes of walking in His Truth…

7) In following through His Covenant Order, we can and will build an Acts 2 familial Church that makes and grows disciples who serve, give, and share as a result of His priority principles—His Lordship and our discipleship—rather than service opportunities and programs masquerading as discipleship leading to shallow faith and lives as Jesus warned us about in Matthew 7:21-23.

Please don’t hear me saying we shouldn’t serve and share but rather that it must be an overflow of our relationship with Christ first and then with one another in Christ so that we humbly serve and love in His Spirit and Truth, not in our flesh.

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – Let us know for certain that our lives and service are a result of truly knowing and loving The Lord so we can love who we are and love others accordingly in the power of The Holy Spirit all for His Glory! 

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) –

1. Read the Scriptures in this article. Ask The Spirit to show you where you are with regard to God’s Covenant Order and priorities in your relationships.
2. Describe the ways you are loving and leading in conformity to the world.
3. Describe the ways you are loving and leading in line with God’s Word. 
4. List those areas in your life and relationships that you need to work on to align with Christ’s teaching and modeling and how you will follow through.

(1 Timothy 3:4-5)

We continue to develop the issues from God’s Word regarding relational servant-leadership in our homes and in Christ’s Church, I want to share what I’ve experienced in my own life as well as what many others have shared with me.

In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis has veteran tempter Screwtape reveal a little secret about human beings: we are incurably idealistic. “Do what you will,” he warns, “there is going to be some benevolence, as well as some malice, in your patient’s soul. The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know. The malice thus becomes wholly real and the benevolence largely imaginary.”

Following are several issues to consider as we determine whether and where we are compromising on God’s Word and in His Church:

1) PRIDE (1 John 2:16) – It looks a lot better to be on a church board than to do the humble and often unseen work of raising and training our children as a prerequisite to leading His Church. We must humble ourselves and seek His Word and will above our own positions of influence or recognition. This is always subtle but prevalent when held up against the standard and teaching that marriage and family must be the precursor to relational servant-leadership in His Church.

May we be gracefully broken of pride and self in any and every way so Christ can accomplish His will in our life, marriage, and family, and in His Church according to His Word.

As we contemplate the issues of our flesh, the world and the enemy that keep us from building true loving relationships in His agape and in so doing learn to be relational servant-leaders, here’s a second problem that is very prevalent in our culture and even our churches today…

2) There is a lack of truth teaching on relationships, sexuality, marriage, and family and relational servant-leadership – much of the modern day church speak of servant-leadership but ignore or are passé when it comes to God’s command to practice and master it first in the home. When we fail to teach AND HOLD ACCOUNTABLE FOR OBEDIENCE to His Word on relationships, sexuality and marriage, we not only see the destruction in our families—we experience the fallout in relationships and leadership in our churches.

Let us purify our hearts, minds and bodies by Your grace and mercy for Christ’s sake. Let us desire and know that in Christ we can live lives of holiness and purity that glorify Him! (1 Thessalonians 4:1-8)  This leads to our third issue…

3) Marriage/Family is devalued by culture and not truthfully defended by our churches as defined in Scripture – compromise, soft-selling, or silence on the issues of relationships, sexuality, and marriage gives our young people, and now even middle age and older, the illusion that the world’s values on these issues is perfectly fine as long as we’re still coming to church. I hear this constantly.

We must boldly, firmly, and graciously teach and uphold God’s standard for relationships and sexuality, calling out cohabitation, promiscuity, adultery, divorce, homosexuality, polygamy, transgender issues and pedophilia…all porneia (sexual immorality) for the sins that they are. We must also gently and graciously point to the freedom and forgiveness found only in Christ and lived out by His grace in our loving obedience to His Word. (Galatians 5:16-24)

The next issue is not an easy one to receive but pastors and church leaders who know its reality have confirmed it time and time again.

4) Church leadership decisions conform to the world – we have elevated buildings, attendance, and giving to support our assets and programs over discipleship and real relationships. We prioritize the corporate, financial business model over a Kingdom fruit model, which is, loving relationships and family servant-leadership. We must return to the priorities found in God’s Word and Covenant Order and trust Him to guide us in making disciples in loving relationships over budgets and buildings.

The modern day Disciple-Making Movements (DMM) and Church Planting Movements (CPM) are finding this the key to making disciples and building His Church in exponential growth in faith and numbers apart from property and programs.

All or most church leaders do these with good intent but it is easy to get caught up in the show of things and then become enslaved to them, whether we ever intended to or not. In God’s Kingdom, loving relationships trump all else. May we live and lead accordingly and may it begin in our homes.

When we fail to follow God’s Word and conform to the world’s way of loving and leading we sacrifice what God has in store for our families and for Christ’s Church. This is the essence of the final issue (Titus 1:6)…

5) Experience and humility gained from servant leading in the family are lost to both the home and the church. When we shortcut God’s design and order for discipleship training in loving relationships within families, then both our families and our churches lose. The wisdom gained from building intimate relationships in the home and holding each other accountable in those relationships where the most is at stake is lost when we rush into leadership in church. The same is lost in our churches as well.

It is amazing how often the following question stops people in their tracks when it comes to truly serving The Lord according to His Word: Are you serving your marriage, spouse, and family with as much or more time, effort and passion as you are serving those in the church or those the church calls you to serve?

We’ve looked at the deterrents to discipleship, relationships, and relational servant-leaders that ultimately detract or dilute the building of His Church and advancing of His Kingdom.

Oswald Chambers states it as follows, “The main characteristic of young modern life today is an intense craving to be interested (entertained). Literature, amusements, all indicate this tendency, and in religion the Church is apt to pander to the demand to be interested; consequently men won’t face the rugged facts of the Gospel because when the Holy Spirit comes in He challenges a man’s will, demands a reconstruction of his whole life, and produces a change of mind which will work havoc in his former complacency.” (Parentheses added)

Where are we in the church today as we pander to attract folks without pointing them to the high calling of the Gospel—to be Christ’s disciple and to call and help others do the same, to die to self so we can truly live for Him? (Romans 12:1-3)

May we not get so caught up in ourselves and how successful we look to the world but know who we are in Christ and simply point people to Him. We can trust Him with the outcomes, as we are faithful.

Returning to our foundational text in 1 Timothy 3:4-5, consider these questions (and answers) that I ask whenever I share this message and how they spotlight God’s teaching on true love and relational servant-leadership according to His Word, design and commands:

1. Do you desire to lead in God’s Kingdom? Most will say, “Yes!”
2. From where will God draw and designate His Kingdom leaders? Some will answer, “From His Church.”
3. From where does His Word say the leaders in His Church are to come? A few will offer, “The marriage and family, the home?” more as a question than and answer.
4. Are you preparing yourself to be a leader in His Church, according to His Word, in your marriage and family? This is the key answer as to whether we are to be Church and Kingdom leaders for His Glory!

Again in 1 Timothy 3:4-5, The Holy Spirit, through Paul, poses the poignant question, “How can you lead my family if you can’t or aren’t servant-leading yours?”

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – We must be careful in identifying and selecting relational servant-leaders in Christ’s Church. They will only take us as far as they’ve gone. Too many today have gone far in leading the world but not their family and yet we call them to lead our churches in contradiction to God’s Word. 

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) –

1. Read the Scriptures in this article. Ask The Spirit to show if you where your priorities are with regard to family, church and work.
2. Take a personal inventory to see how the issues discussed in this post have impacted you.
3. What will you continue to do or change to prepare to be a leader in Christ’s Church. 
4. Give some thought to those 4 questions that close this post.