Mentoring Minutes

The modern church is on a sandy foundation. Three current realities need to change for God’s people to make disciples that impact and influence every part of culture:

1. Cultural relevance has trumped relationship.
2. Evangelism and conversion equals discipleship.
3. Programs can replace the brokenness of relationships.

I believe most church leaders and attendees desire to follow Christ.  The problem? We’ve so compromised what it means for Christ to be Lord and us to be His disciples that our good hearts and best intentions fall woefully short in making disciples with very little of Christ carried into our workplace and culture…we’ve capitulated to the world!

This is at the heart of the relationships and command that Jesus gave all of His disciples (including us).  He paid the ultimate sacrifice for us to be in a relationship with Him in which He is Lord and we must be His disciples (Luke 14:25-34)!

Everything is based on our relationship as His disciples and to Him as Lord…or the lack thereof.  The way we worship/love God…how we love self…how we serve and love others; how we handle money and things entrusted to us (especially the lives of others); how we respond to trials and crisis (including pandemics)…everything in your life and relationships is impacted by whether Christ is truly Lord of your life and you are His disciple.

Teaching this without accountability to faithful and loving obedience, inevitably leads to compromise.  That’s human nature.  The Lord has continually put this question before me in this pandemic…“Will My Church return to status quo?  Or will they come to me as disciples willing to surrender all to make disciples?”

Let’s examine the 3 realities and their impact on our churches and culture…

1.  Cultural relevance has trumped relationship.  Recent church history is filled with “distance” serving of communities with very little relationship building and gathering in fellowships, classes and small groups to share Scripture and make light conversation.  The relationships in the former are nearly non-existent and in the latter are mostly superficial with none, or very little accountability of obedience to Christ’s commands.  Compromise is rampant in marriages, families, sexual relationships, what we view, what we do, and so much more.  “But we can’t reach them if we’re not engaged in the things of the culture,” is the mantra I hear in some form or another.  The results?  Those in our churches act much more like the world than those in the world coming to know and act like Christ!  Only in loving, accountable relationships can we live out His commands as His disciples and make disciples of those we do life and engage with.

We have mastered the art of loving and leading “from afar” in community, corporate or governing settings (including the church) while struggling to obey God’s Word to make disciples in loving relationships!

C.S. Lewis said it this way; writing to his nephew and understudy, veteran tempter Screwtape reveals a little secret about human beings: we are incurably idealistic.  “Do what you will,” he warns, “there is going to be some benevolence, as well as some malice, in your patient’s soul. The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know. The malice thus becomes wholly real and the benevolence largely imaginary.”  (The Screwtape Letters)

Let’s quit following the idealism of our own nature, repent and get through and beyond this pandemic as His Church, building deep, loving (even difficult) relationships as we make disciples that make disciples!  It won’t be easy and it won’t look like the world but it is what He has always called us to do.  No more status quo!

2. Evangelism and conversion equals discipleship.  I can’t tell you how often I’ve been asked if any of the following constitutes discipleship:  Preaching, teaching, small groups and discussions, etc.?  My answer is two-fold:  First, is there obedience and accountability stemming from the relationships formed in the “discipleship?”  Second, what is the Kingdom/Spirit fruit in those being taught?  Inevitably relationships for the most part are shallow and accountability to obedience is nearly non-existent as that is how the world does teaching and accountability.  But we’re not the one’s asking or commanding…Jesus is!  Preaching, teaching, classes, small groups needed?  Absolutely!  Is that discipleship?  Only in the most shallow sense…not really!

3. Programs can replace the brokenness of relationships.  This is particularly prevalent in the way we handle marriage and family issues.  It is much easier to have a program that addresses the issues of brokenness than to actually build relationships to help repair it!  As one pastor said when we were discussing the churches’ struggle to focus on and follow through with the building of loving relationships and relational servant-leaders, “Man, Greg, you’re talking about messy, nasty stuff when it comes to relationships.”  You see why we have compromised and opted for programs that feign success with attendance and an occasional victory, rather than actually working to build relationships that help strengthen other relationships.  My response to the pastor was simply, “Which part of the “messy, nasty stuff” compromises God’s Truth and what He has called us to be?  Crickets

When we do the difficult but rewarding work to touch broken hearts, pointing them to the Only One who repairs and reconciles lives and relationships, then we are His Church and show the world His love.  It’s quite different than what is seen in culture!

Whatever we do as we walk through and emerge from this pandemic, I pray that we will not return to the status quo.  Buildings mean very little if we’re not doing the difficult, but Kingdom-building work, of developing loving relationships and making faithful disciples.

“Knowledge based learning” is not discipleship.  Discipleship is loving obedience and relationships that He has called us to live out and share!  Let’s take the challenge, in His strength and authority and work to build relationships and make disciples that reflect His Love and Lordship for His Kingdom and Glory!

If Jesus Christ is King of kings and Lord of lords…and He is.  If Jesus Christ came to save all who believe in Him so we could be in a relationship with Him…and He did.  If you have received Him as Savior and claim to be in that relationship with Him, the only question that remains…are you submitting to Him as Lord of your life?

The moment you realize God’s purpose, which is to get you rightly related to Himself and then to your fellow men, He will tax the last limit of the universe to help you take the right road.                               (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

Responding to Your Lord

Regarding the question in the quote above let me take it a step further.  If Christ is Lord of all and you claim to be in a relationship with Him, but He is not Lord of your life, then who is?  If He’s not Lord of your life, then what is your relationship with Him?

The ONLY WAY we can be in a relationship with Christ is with Him as Lord.  We must be His disciple, or student-servant, with our whole heart and whole life set on Him.  Wholehearted discipleship is not perfection, it is a lifelong maturation.

Remember that everyone has a Lord/lord; you are someone’s disciple.  Every part of your life reveals who is your Lord/lord and whom you are a disciple of.

For clarity’s sake, when we talk of discipleship it is based on the Scriptural principle and meaning of obedience-based discipleship, not knowledge-based as is so prevalent in our churches today and is not really discipleship at all.  Personal discipleship comes with the expectation of, and accountability for, obedience to His Word and in our walk with The Lord.  Relational discipleship is training and holding others accountable to obedience as we share and apply His Word to make disciples.  This is what the culture needs to see if they are going to find anything different in our faith than in their world!

A Discipleship Story

He came into my office expressing his concern that he was five minutes late due to work circumstances.  I told him it was no problem.  We prayed and I looked up and he was weeping profusely.  He’d already shared with me over the phone the reason for the tears so I asked him to just fill me in as to how he and his now estranged wife had arrived at this difficult and painful situation.

He filled me in on their backstory.  They had been married nine years after meeting his wife in Bible college.  He was sexually promiscuous before meeting her; she was not and they remained chaste in their courtship.  He was “addicted” to porn, but as is the case for many he kept it a tightly guarded secret.

With that dirty little “nugget” securely tucked away, they seemed to have had a really good relationship and sex life (according to him) the first 4-5 years.  In time the guilt became too heavy and he confessed the porn to her.  She practically cut him off from sex over the next four years.  Though he tried to fight the temptation, he continued with porn and about three years after the confession he had an affair. 

I shared with him that this was God’s design coming true in the flesh: where the eyes and mind go the body will eventually follow. 

She left him, and here he was sitting in my office having finally sought counsel as she had asked him to do years earlier after the initial porn confession.  In pride, he had chosen not to do so. 

He was heartbroken, full of guilt and shame, and missing his wife.  She had made no contact with him for the four months following her departure.  

He came into my office one week and said he was considering not continuing with any counseling or mentoring as it was doing no good.  I asked what that meant and he said, “She’s not coming back.” 

I asked. “What do you think you’re here for?”  He said, “To get my wife back and my marriage restored.” 

I responded, “If that happens, what’s going to be different?  You will still be the same prideful, lustful, sorry-for-yourself person that will not give into lust and porn for a while because of the grief and shame of having committed adultery and nearly losing your wife.  You’re not here first and foremost to get her back and restore your marriage.  You are here to understand what it means to be in a relationship with Christ and for Him to be Lord of your life—all of it!  As you walk in this faithfully He will shape and mold you into His disciple and the man and husband that He died for and desires you to be.  Then if your wife responds to His work and will in her life and comes back, you will be the husband and man that can make this marriage what God wants it to be. You’re here to know Christ above all else.” 

He agreed with deeper sobs and tears.

I tell that story for one simple reason.  Here was a man and couple that met in Bible college, knew God’s Word, and faithfully attended and served in their church.  Yet secret sin was prevalent in his life that, once revealed, led to deeper sin and destructive consequences.  The response from his wife, while certainly understandable, did not comport with God’s Word. Now what God had put together, a man and woman had torn apart. 

I’d like to say that the couple is back together and doing well and that this was a rare occurrence in our churches today, but they are not as far as I know.  The outcome is far from rare, although it is certainly a lesser occurrence in strong Bible-believing, Christ-centered churches.  The common denominator in most every story of broken covenant is that, much like this Bible college-educated, church attending, apparently happy-on-the-outside couple, many do not know and have never been discipled to be a disciple of Christ.

Our churches spend an inordinate amount of time, energy and effort on marketing a message that attracts and keeps folks coming, making converts to their community.  When it comes to making disciples of Jesus Christ in intimate loving relationships, there is a tremendous void.  How can we be His united Church if this persists?

This is a call to our homes and churches, especially those called to servant-leadership roles and responsibilities, to make His Lordship and our discipleship the overriding and all-consuming priority as His Word calls us to do!

Jesus on The Cost of Discipleship

We’ve already established that to be in a relationship with Jesus Christ means that He must be Lord and we must be His disciples.  Let’s explore what Our Lord Himself says about the cost of being His disciple.

It is nothing short of a tremendous gift of grace and blessing to be saved by Christ and to walk as His disciple.  That does not mean that it is easy. 

In Luke 14:25-35, Jesus describes the commitment (remember this is love) that is REQUIRED to be His disciple.  Bear with me once again as I paraphrase for brevity and ask you to read the text yourself to determine whether or not I’m adhering to His stern call to discipleship.

As the crowds grew, Jesus’ response was to ensure that they were following Him for the right reasons. (Compare this with many of today’s churches, as we’ll see this again later regarding John 6).  His first comment was downright tough! Again this is my paraphrase so read it for yourself.  Jesus says if we have anything in our life, including our own life, then we can’t be His disciples.  He doesn’t focus on money, fame, or stuff; He talks about the most important of relationships: marriage and family. Ouch! Anything in your life taking priority over Christ?  This is a call to maturity in Christ.  We may struggle and stumble, but His call is to determine and display in our hearts and lives that He is first and foremost.

He then describes the cost in two ways:  1) Financially – He describes someone attempting to build a tower that does so without considering what it will cost.  The end result is a half-built tower and it becomes a focal point of ridicule for all who see it; 2) Battle – He describes a king going to battle with half the number of his enemy.  Either he must determine whether he has a plan to defeat the enemy or he must come with a white flag and discuss “peace.”

The outcome in the first example is that our life and what is produced by a weak faith is a mockery for those who witness it.  In other words, Jesus is saying if you don’t count the cost and sell out to me or, live like He is first in your life, your faith is a laughingstock.  We can’t continue to display a faith that doesn’t put Him first in all things.

In the Battle example, the result is a compromise and likely surrender.  This is certainly not the victorious Christian life that His Word speaks of, as so many try to live with a partial or weak faith and claim they are His disciples. By His own words Jesus says that we can’t be half-hearted and be His disciples.

OUCH AGAIN!  And He’s not finished yet.

Jesus goes on to say, “In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples” (Luke 14:33).  How many of us are trying to be His disciples on our own compromised terms when, according to Him, we simply can’t be and are not?  What must He think of us? 

Finally, He closes by stating that those who are trying to live as His disciples on their own terms essentially have no impact in His Kingdom.  The impact of their saltiness is worthless. 

Let me give you a final paraphrase in context with this passage that I pray will drive the point home and compel all those who call Him Savior to seek and desire to walk with Him as Lord.  In essence Jesus is saying, if He’s not first in our lives, if we do not count the cost of the calling and commitment, and we do not take up our own cross (i.e., go to the death of our own self and selfish desires) then we are not His disciples.  Stated another way: If we are not willing to pay the price, then He is not our Lord and our faith is a mockery to those who observe us.  Is it any wonder the culture is not drawn to our modern-day faith and to Christ but rather to our souped-up services design to attract with little or no accountability and commitment expected?

What does your discipleship response to Christ look like?

Contact Love and Lordship and let us know what you’re thinking and how we can help. 

Check out @Loveandlordship for L&L LIVE every Thursday at 4pm on our Facebook page for more.  Also you can find videos and podcasts at www.loveandlorship.com. 

Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – Christ gave up His glorious lifestyle in heaven to become a human being and then gave up His life all so we could be saved.  We are saved to be in a relationship with Christ and He is Lord of all.  Have you been deceived to accept Christ as Savior but not as Lord?  Being His disciple, as He saved us to be means He takes priority over every part of our lives.

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – Take an inventory of the most important things in your life.  Determine which things mean the most to you and be brutally honest in where Christ is placed in your life.

The False Kingdom – The Serpent’s Deception

We’ve talked about Christ’s Kingdom and all Authority belonging to Him in heaven and on earth.  We’ve looked at the absolute Truth that comes from Him as Author.  Why aren’t we all on board?  Why isn’t everyone clamoring to be a part of His incredible Kingdom of Truth and Love? 

Maybe it’s because there is another kingdom that we must deal with and the lord of that kingdom lies, deceives and does whatever he can to appeal to our selfish desires to draw us away from Christ’s Kingdom and into his.  Satan is very good at what he does and we would do well to be aware and know that Christ has conquered satan’s kingdom if we will choose to walk away from it. 

Remember He will not force us to choose His Kingdom so we must be alert and self-controlled to the enemy’s deceit and lies (1 Peter 5:8).

“You Can Be Lord of Your Own Life”

Satan knew that God had given us free choice from the beginning, and that is where he got mankind to fall. And it’s still the source of every sin in our lives and world today.  You see, Satan can’t stand God and tries desperately to dethrone Him—but he can’t.  Yet God has given him an eternal kingdom that completely contrasts Christ’s Kingdom. So, Satan does all that he can to get us to believe that we don’t need a lord believing we don’t need to submit to anyone.  Said another way, you don’t have to think of yourself as anyone’s disciple.  But is that true?  More on this later as it is the root of The Fall and Sin. 

In direct contrast. Christ calls us to be His disciples and make disciples for Him.  Jesus calls us to be His “student-servants” from our chart in our previous post,  to learn from Him and then emulate Him.  If we are His disciples, then that is what we will do.  If we are not, then we must determine that there is another “lord” and we are someone else’s disciples.  Don’t fall for Satan’s lie; you are a disciple to someone.  You need to know who that is and what that looks like.

Ask The Spirit to show you how where you are when it comes to His Truth, Authority, and Lordship?

Who’s Your Lord/lord – Satan’s Greatest and Only Deception

You’ve likely heard many sermons or messages on Satan’s lies and deception to lure Eve and Adam into sin and The Fall.  They almost always focus on how he questioned God’s Word and called God a liar, substituting partial truth and lies.

All of this is true, as we will recount, but I want to focus on something I think is much more alluring and therefore destructive in Satan’s scheme.  He not only used it as the final and fatal appeal with Adam and Eve, but it continues throughout history and with us today.

 Take a look at the Genesis 3 interaction between the serpent and Eve with my paraphrase that I pray will help you more fully understand the same tricks he uses in our lives. 

“Did God really say…” (v. 1) – Two things to consider here for our own walk with Christ as Lord: 1) Rephrase this and ask yourself, “Do you really know God’s Truth?”  That’s what he wants to know. Are you spending time to know His Truth or can the enemy confuse you with the same question? 2) Note how cunningly Satan asked if God had restricted them from eating from any of the trees.  He didn’t just focus on the one God had forbidden as he wanted Eve to think it through to see if she truly knew the Truth of what God had said.  How easily we can be deceived if we do not spend time in His Word to seek and know His Truth.

“We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:  But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.” (vv. 2-3) – Eve’s reply reveals that while she had some knowledge of God’s Absolute Truth, it was not complete.  The question itself coupled with her partial knowledge accomplished two things that the serpent desired: 1) Partial truth led to her confusion and; 2) Her response literally “created” an alternate or relative “truth,” one that likely worked in her favor.  Now we have “two truths,” God’s and Eve’s.  What to do?  Relativism is not a modern or post-modern phenomenon; it is as old as human nature itself and the enemy used that very human nature and the free will necessary for love to exist to confuse and deceive.  God’s Absolute Truth can never be compromised.  Don’t fall for the lies.

“And the serpent said unto the woman, You shall not surely die:” (v. 4) – The serpent calls God a liar without even using His Name.  He simply appeals to Eve’s desire to live and recants God’s Words, yet Eve still has not given in.  The Serpent is just laying the groundwork for his grand finale and the source of every sin since, including yours and mine.

“For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (v. 5, bold emphasis mine and added) – Ah, the coup de grace for the serpent (likely Satan but never stated in Genesis) that continues to appeal to every human being that has ever existed.  And, according to Romans 3:23, all of us have fallen for it! 

Only Two Kingdoms, Two Kings, Two Lords

Track with me here as we see the serpent build on the confusion and, I believe, desire coming from the free will that God had given Adam and Eve to accomplish his ultimate goal: death or separation from God.  Using the cunning script he has devised and carried out with Eve, he springs the final trap and in so doing secures his prey. 

He does this again in two strokes that we all struggle with:

1) He uses a lie to appeal to Eve’s free will.  The lie is this: “Guess what?  You don’t need a God or Lord; you can be lord of your own kingdom and life!”  Brilliant!  He knows that free will desires to be in control and he offers a pseudo kingdom—our own—knowing that when we choose to reject God/Christ, there really is no other kingdom but his.  He doesn’t want us to know that and he doesn’t care that it’s a lie.  He simply knows that when we reject Christ—when we claim Him as Savior then live out our own lives in our own kingdoms—that what we’ve actually done is choose the only other kingdom: Satan’s.  I know this is tough to swallow, but it’s reality and we need to understand it.  We need to know who our Lord/lord is? 

2) He finishes the deception by presenting relativism to Eve (and to us): “You will know good and evil.”  How awesome is this?  The Hebrew word here for “know” includes, and is properly translated as, “classify.”  In other words in one fell swoop the enemy presents us with our own non-existent kingdom that our flesh loves, and now that we have it we can make up our own rules and laws.  Sound familiar?

It’s this simple: there are only two kingdoms, which means there are only two Kings/Lords.  You’re not one of them, and neither am I.  There is only God’s/ Christ’s Kingdom of Light and Life and Satan’s kingdom of death and darkness.  You and I do not have a kingdom; so don’t fall for the lie that you can be king or lord, “like God.”  In light of this, it’s even more important to know God’s Word, living in Christ and written in The Bible, so you can know Him and know that you belong to His Kingdom.

The bottom line:  We can and must know to which Kingdom we belong.  Don’t be deceived.  Know Christ as Lord and know His Truth.  He died to make it possible. 

Path to The Fall and Sin

For practical purposes, check out the path below found in the serpent’s temptation that led to The Fall and Sin of Adam and Eve and persists in our sins today.  Think about how this applies to your life, temptations, sins, and struggles. Christ has made a way to rescue and redeem us from The Fall and Sin. 

1. Confusion – “Did God really say…?” Do I know His Truth? 
2. Deception – “Surely you won’t die.” Do I fall for subtle lies?
3. Touch – “You must not touch it.” Relativism leads to initial appeal to the flesh.
4. Taste – “Pleasing to the eye and desirable for gaining wisdom.”  Satisfy the flesh (senses/emotions rule rather than God’s Truth).
5. Indulge – “She took some and ate it … and he ate it.” Please the senses (self).
6. Addiction/Bondage – “They realized they were naked… made coverings for themselves.” Now trapped in their sin they must cover it up.

Christ came to earth and took on flesh in the form of a baby in a manger for the express purpose of dying for our sins so that our relationship with God could be restored.  His death on The Cross removed our sin(s) before God and made the way for us to live forever in His Kingdom.  It’s your choice.

Whoever is Lord in your life determines your every motive, thought, decision, action, and relationship.

Who’s Lord/lord of your life?  Knowing Christ as Lord and His Truth makes all the difference when the subtle lies and temptations come from the enemy.  It’s a matter of life and death—and eternity!

In the world, authority is demanded, manipulated, and all about control and “lording it over” others, even when we do it nicely.  In God’s Kingdom, authority is invited influence in the lives of those who have willingly surrendered.

The Rest of the Story

If you remember we started this series of posts on the 2 Kingdoms with the story of *John.  You can read the intro here.  Here’s the conclusion…John arrived for our weekly “iron sharpening” time, it was evident that something had changed.

He began to share with me that the previous week when we were discussing whether or not Christ was going to truly be Lord of his life, relationships, everything, including his sex life, something clicked.

He said that as we discussed the sin of pornography/porneia (Greek word for sexual immorality or sexually immoral mindset and root word for pornography), lust, and promiscuity, that The Holy Spirit literally overwhelmed him.  That’s when he abruptly left.  I’ll let him tell you the rest of the story as he shared it with me:

“There is no way you could have known last week that I was planning to take my girlfriend from work the following day and spend the weekend at my lake house where we would consummate our wonderful “Christian” relationship.  The Holy Spirit made it clear that I couldn’t follow through on that.  I left the restaurant and after spending some time in prayer, tears, and asking for forgiveness, I went straight to her office and asked her to come with me.  She obliged and I took her to a quiet place and explained what we’d been talking about and that there was no way that we could go away for the weekend.  In tears I asked for her forgiveness and she graciously gave it.  From that day forward my life was changed.”

You see John had rationalized that porn and sex as a divorced man and with other women from bars and strip clubs were okay until God began to show him the consequences of his actions.

After dating a nice Christian lady for a few months that rationalization had changed. He was now committed and faithful to one person, so surely God understood that they were meant for each other and could act upon that sexually prior to being married.  He knew better, but the temptation was strong.

Choosing to be obedient to Christ as His Lord, John and his girlfriend chose to remain abstinent until they were married six months later.  He called me from their honeymoon to thank me and confirm that the union of love in covenant was far better than any other experience he’d had.

Just like John, we all have the fruit(s) or temptations rooted in our selfish fleshly desires that we either know are wrong and pursue them anyway, or justify and deceive ourselves in pursuit of them.  Their end is destruction as John found out.  When he understood and began to walk with Jesus as Lord, everything changed. 

Nearly 12 years later, John and his wife are now mentoring other couples to walk in The Lord.

What a beautiful blessing and reward to know your Lord!  It will change everything for your good and His Glory.  It’s called Discipleship and it’s the only response that makes our lives worthwhile. 

“Never nourish an experience which has not God as its Source, and faith in God as its result. If you do, your experience is anti-Christian, no matter what visions you may have had. Is Jesus Christ Lord of your experiences, or do you try to lord it over Him? Is any experience dearer to you than your Lord? He must be Lord over you, and you must not pay attention to any experience over which He is not Lord. There comes a time when God will make you impatient with your own experience — “I do not care what I experience; I am sure of Him.”  Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Contact Love and Lordship and let us know what you’re thinking and how we can help. 

Check out @Loveandlordship for L&L LIVE every Thursday at 4pm on our Facebook page for more.  Also you can find videos and podcasts at www.loveandlorship.com.  Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

*All names anonymous

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – Have you ever thought of satan’s greatest deception as appealing to your flesh with a lie that you can “be like God/god” (be your own lord) and still belong to Christ’s Kingdom?  If not, how does that change how you see your commitment to Christ’s Kingship/Lordship?

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – Take some time during your Bible study, prayer and quiet time to reflect on areas of your life that are not fully committed to Christ’s Kingdom and Lordship.  List those areas where you have compromised with regard to His Truth and rationalized where you have done so.  What do you need to do to bring all of your life into Christ’s Kingdom…for Him to be Lord of all your life?