Mentoring Minutes

Most Bible scholars would agree that Hebrews is one of the two deepest theological letters, along with Romans, in all of Scripture.  I find it very interesting that near the end of this profound text on Christ completely fulfilling the Old Covenant in the New Covenant, we find this verse, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”  Hebrews 13:4

Let’s see—all means all, right?  So The Holy Spirit is not just saying that all those who are married, have been married, or are planning on getting married, should honor marriage.  All means all! 

Why is this important?  Simple.  God had a perfect design from the beginning and the only way we can honor it is if we are willing to walk according to His design for relationships, sexuality, marriage, and family. 

This doesn’t mean that everyone has to get married but it does mean that everyone is to honor marriage in his or her relationships and sexuality.  Simply put, sex is reserved for marriage…period.  All other sexual activity is sin or porneia (sexual immorality).  Romans 1 speaks to this…

¹⁸ For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, ¹⁹ because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. ²⁰ For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. ²¹ For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. ²² Professing to be wise, they became fools, ²³ and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures. ²⁴ Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. ²⁵ For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. ²⁶ For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, ²⁷ and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error. ²⁸ And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, ²⁹ being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, ³⁰ slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, ³¹ without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; ³² and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

Romans 1:18-32

This includes promiscuity or fornication (sex before/outside of marriage), cohabitation (seldom if ever done sans sexual activity) adultery, pornography (from the root word “porneia” – all sexual immorality even in the mind according to Jesus)…lust (Matthew 5:27-28), polygamy, homosexuality, transgenderism, bestiality, and pedophilia (think of the new Netflix movie, Cuties, and the direction it takes…clearly sexualizing young girls making them even more vulnerable to be used or abused as tools for the pleasure of others) to name a few among the ever-increasing depravity of our sexual culture. We have justified and excused sexual immorality (porneia) in the name of “love” leading to our culture of licentiousness (sin and degradation) disguised as liberty or freedom!

There are grave consequences personally, relationally, socially, and even eternally as the writer of Hebrews points out in God’s judgment of the sexually immoral and as evident in our pornified culture today. 

But there is also grace and forgiveness.  As with any other sin, forgiveness is free in Christ but it is not to be abused and mocked.

Honoring marriage begins long before you say, “I do,” and extends throughout marriage and beyond.  God’s truth about honoring marriage is about honoring His creation in relationships, sexuality, marriage, and family and that is not for His sake, it is for ours!

Our Creator God began everything in time and history with a relationship of love known as marriage.  This is the closest we can come in human experience to His agape love and it must be done in covenant commitment.  Relationships are His design for living out His love in His image in covenant marriage between one man and one woman, through family and friends, and even loving our enemies. It’s all in line with His sacrificial, selfless kind of love—AGAPE!

Remember, porniea is the exact opposite of AGAPE.  Porneia comes from pursuing and fulfilling our own selfish desires and pleasures for our own sake…even if others may temporarily enjoy it.  AGAPE is always rooted in selfless, sacrificial giving of our self with no expectation of anything in return!

Allow me to tie all of this together as we move from Lordship, discipleship, and relationship to unpack all that God has packed into Marriage. 

First and foremost, we must understand that the perfect model for marriage is Christ and His Bride, The Church.  Ephesians 5:25-57, 31-32 make this clear,

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for herto make her holy, cleansingher by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless… ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

One side note with more later:  Husbands, vv. 25-27 place a great responsibility on us presenting our wives holy before God in the way that we live our lives and love them.  We would be wise to take this responsibility with all the weight that He intends for it to have in His design and purpose for marriage. 

The goal of every relationship is to imitate Christ.  The only way we can do this is if He is our Lord.  That makes discipleship the key to every good relationship and especially the most important earthly one—marriage.

Are you content to place other worldly relationships ahead of your marriage?  Or are you making it the priority as God sees it?  You will be blessed if you do.

God has shown us how much He values marriage in His design and highest desire for its sanctity, His command that all should honor it, and its reflection of His image and our relationship with Him.  With this in mind let’s connect the dots with regard to His Lordship, our discipleship relationship with Him, and all loving relationships, finding the highest expression in the marriage relationship.

When we willing and lovingly obey His commands regarding life, love and relationships, He blesses and fulfills us in our marriages, families and all relationships, and strengthens His Church so we can shine the light of His Truth and Love to a world that desperately needs to know Him!

Contact L&L to let us know what you’re thinking and how we can help.

Give online as The Lord leads – https://give.cornerstone.cc/loveandlordship.

You can find videos, articles and podcasts at www.loveandlorship.com. 

Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – Marriage is the first, highest and most important of human relationships.  Marriage reflects God and His people, Israel in a Covenant relationship of agape.  Marriage reflects Christ and His Bride, The Church in the agape Covenant relationship of His blood shed for us on The Cross.  Is it any wonder that God plainly states, “Marriage should be honored by all?”

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – 1) Spend time with The Lord and seek His Word and wisdom for your life and relationships; 2) Remain pure (abstinent and chaste) in your sexual relationships outside of marriage; 3) If single, consult The Lord about any and every potential partner before pursuing deeper relationships in courtship and beyond leading toward marriage; 4) If married, continue to ask The Lord to strengthen you to honor your marriage and spouse with purity, integrity and holiness in Christ to reflect the relationship of Him with His Bride, The Church.

As we remember the tragedy of 9/11/01 let’s continue to pray for the only Peace that can bring about the needed changes in our hearts, lives and nations around the globe…the Truth, Peace and Love of Jesus and that must begin in our homes and families! 

Marriage:  In God’s Image

So they called Rebekah and asked her, “Will you go with this man?”  “I will go,” she said. (Genesis 24:58) “And she said, ‘I will go.’”  Those words are the answer to Eliezer’s prayer.  Rebekah felt the thrill which always passes through any pure young heart in the presence of a saint.  A soul’s trust in a saint in the providence of God is something more precious even than love.  Few of us know anything about it because we are too sordidly selfish; we want things for ourselves all the time.  Eliezer had only one conception, loyalty to his master, and in the providence of God he brought Rebekah straight to Isaac.  This marriage, like all true marriages, concerns the Kingdom of God.” 

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

The Highest of Human Relationships

We’ve established the Biblical priorities of relationship beginning with Christ as Lord and our worship and love for Him above all else if we are to walk as His disciples.  Looking further at Scripture we recognize that the priorities continue in our earthly relationships, recognizing that marriage is the highest of human relationships. 

You may have heard a pastor or teacher speak of The Bible as “the greatest love letter ever written.” While this is true, I would propose that we take that a step further and declare it the “greatest marriage manual ever written!” This is for many reasons, including: the Creation design itself of male and female; the image of God reflected in the differences and the union; and the concept of Covenant ordained by God through marriage as the relationship that symbolizes His covenant with His people Israel, Christ and His Bride, The Church, and the marriage of one man and one woman in a lifetime commitment.  Every single word in Scripture is written to one, two, or all three of the following: His Bride, Israel; Christ’s Bride, The Church; and one man/one woman in covenant marriage.

The question in our world and churches today:  Are we giving marriage its proper place and honor?  I would argue that we are not, and both The Church and our culture are suffering greatly because we have failed to do so in light of and in line with God’s Word.

Marriage is the #2 Priority

Marriage should be esteemed, second only to Christ, above every other institution and relationship in our culture, including The Church, as it preceded and is implicitly and explicitly given such honor in Scripture.  This was driven home to me in numerous situations early in my marriage.  I will share two with you.

I was given several opportunities to pursue a professional basketball career, either here or abroad.  In submitting to The Lord, I chose a different path, and this was all prior to even meeting my wife.  I continued to play with a couple of traveling teams with sponsors that allowed me to keep my skills sharpened and my competitive appetite whetted.  This also kept my name as a potential player in the loop, so to speak. 

I met Ami in 1988 and we dated for nearly two years, were engaged for exactly one year, and were married June 1, 1991.  I was teaching and coaching at the time and continued to play competitively.  She became pregnant with our firstborn, Lansing, in 1995 and just a couple of months prior to his being born I received a phone call from a team in Switzerland that had received my name as a player/coach for a top-level professional club team.  Again on May 11, 1997, just 5 days before our second son, Harrison, was born, I received a call from a top club team in London, England, with the same offer. 

In my flesh, I really would have loved to continue to pursue these offers.  However, I’d made up my mind entering into marriage that my first priority would be The Lord, my marriage would be next, and then my wife and family.  While I know The Lord could work in any of these situations, my understanding of Scripture was that the priorities that had come from His Word were to guide my decisions.

He certainly would have made it through the transition because He is God.  But I knew that my wife with two toddler boys and me “hooping” all over Switzerland or England and beyond would have made it very difficult for our marriage and family. 

The decisions were easy.  I humbly and politely declined both of them and I’ve never regretted it for one single second.  What I can tell you is that God has blessed our marriage and family and I believe it was because I kept my priorities in line with His Word and placed Him, and my marriage, wife, and family above myself. 

A few years later two similar situations occurred just a few years apart.  I was asked to be a national spokesperson for an expanding nonprofit company.  At the time, our three children (we added our beautiful daughter, Haidyn, in 1999) were elementary age or younger.  My response was simple: “How can I help raise my children if I’m traveling all over the country?”  The founder and CEO replied, “I thought you might say that, but we had to try anyway.” 

The second inquiry for the same position was offered to me again a few years later with Lansing just entering middle school and Harrison and Haidyn in elementary school.  This time they asked: “Did you know that you could fly to two-thirds of the continental US and back home in a day?”  As much as I would have enjoyed that position and Ami and I would have loved to travel around the country, my answer again reflected the priorities that had guided me in my walk with The Lord.  I responded with a question: “How does leaving at 6 AM and arriving back home at 9 PM or later honor my marriage and wife or help raise my children?” 

“We knew you were going to say that but we had to try again.”

I closed that conversation with this simple statement of faith that I knew I could rely on: “If The Lord desires me to be in that or any similar position, then He will show me the time and place.  And if not, then I’m fine with what I’ve chosen.”   

Some readers may struggle with my choices and some may even be angry.  Please know I’m not condemning anyone who has made or may make a different choice.  I’m simply sharing with you why I made the choices based on my understanding of God’s Covenant Order and how He has blessed us in our marriage and family.  I would not trade that for anything.

I can tell you that I have counseled hundreds who have made different decisions in similar situations and have sat in my office with great regret for what they sacrificed.  Remember, relationships in the Kingdom, or the stuff of this world, at some point there will be sacrifice of one or the other.  Your choices and actions determine which is sacrificed no matter how you may claim, “I did it for my family.” 

Contact L&L to let us know what you’re thinking and how we can help.

Give online as The Lord leads – https://give.cornerstone.cc/loveandlordship.

You can find videos, articles and podcasts at www.loveandlorship.com. 

Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought –Christ’s disciples and His Church must uphold marriage according to God’s design and order as one man and one woman in a lifetime covenant relationship that is the foundation of all other relationships and of society.  It also must be honored as representing Christ and His Bride, The Church.

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – 1) Make sure that you honor The Lord by spending time with Him every day; 2) Find a tangible way every day to honor your marriage; 3) Find a tangible way every day to honor your spouse.

Once again God makes it very obvious in His Word that there is a priority when it comes to love and relationships.  And it begins with Him!  He even uses the words “first” and “greatest,” and that should compel us to respond with the same priority and urgency when it comes to love for Him and others. 

Reiterating Dr. Tony Evans’s words, “Our God is a Covenant-making and Covenant-keeping God and every Covenant has an order.”  So based on God’s Word, what is the order of His Covenant?  What are God’s, and therefore our, priorities when it comes to relationships?

Priority of Relationships

The following precepts are what God has shared, commanded, and encouraged in His Word with regard to living in relationship with Him and with our fellow man (Scriptures are for your reference and study):

1. God is Love and we love because He first loved us – we cannot know love apart from God (1 John 4:8, 19).  Love must originate and be found in Him.

In our love for Him and others we are actually given four commands summed up in the two greatest commands found initially in Deuteronomy 6:4-5 and then repeated in Mark 12:29-31 and Matthew 22:37-39.  Notice the use in these Scriptures of the words “first,” “greatest,” and “second,” as well as “all.” He is literally giving us order and priority, which should carry over into all our relationships.

1. The First Command, Part 1 – Honor and worship The Lord as The One and Only God (Deuteronomy 6:4; Mark 12:29)
2. The First and Greatest command, Part 2 – Love the Lord with all you are  (Matthew 22:37-38; Mark 12:30)
3. Living the First Command – Seek The Lord and His Kingdom and righteousness first, above everything else in your life and with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:11-13; Matthew 6:33)
4. The Second Command, Part 1 – Love yourself—the self that God created you to be and recreated you to be in Christ (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Ephesians 2:10)—so you can die to yourself and complete the second command.
5. Second command, Part 2 – Love your neighbor as you love yourself (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31)

Loving my neighbor (all others), continuing with priority and order:

1. Marriage – Only covenant/highest human relationship; as one in Christ this new “disciple” takes priority over either spouse (Matthew 19:4-6)
2. Spouse – Reflects Christ and His Bride (Ephesians 5:21-27; 32-33)
3. Children – God builds His family with Godly offspring (Malachi 2:13-16; Ephesians 6:4)
4. Family members (I Timothy 3:5; 5:4, 8)
5. Friends/Family of God (Galatians 6:10; 1 Peter 2:17); also remembering Christ’s words regarding family (Luke 8:20-22)
6. Others/Worldly Acquaintances (Romans 12:18, 21; Galatians 6:10)
7. Enemies (Matthew 5:11, 44; Luke 10:30-37; Romans 12:14)

Here’s the power of what God has given us in His Covenant Order and prioritizing how we are to love.  Priorities, as previously stated, reveal who is Lord/lord in our life.  Priorities also order our decision-making and our relationships.  Our time and schedules should reflect this.  As we walk with Christ as Lord and in line with His Word, we can order our thoughts, lives, and decisions to show the love we are given and called to share as His disciples in a way that it brings us His Shalom or wholeness and peace.

We will have to sacrifice; that is what love does, as evident in Christ’s life and teaching and in God’s Word and commands for us to love as He loved us.  This is love and this is how we are to build the relationships together as His disciples to grow His Church and His Kingdom.

One final note in tying together discipleship and relationship…I’ve never seen this happen in practice, although I’ve heard it talked about.  If discipleship is lived out in relationship and relationships are formed and matured through loving discipleship, then we should follow God’s Covenant Order when it comes to discipling believers in Christ.

Leaders, how often do we place, implicitly or explicitly (and I’ve seen and heard countless examples of both), the needs of the local fellowship and community above that of personal maturity in Christ and marriages and families within the church?  How often have we encouraged, cajoled, and even lovingly manipulated members to sign up and serve to show others in the church and community how much God loves them by how much we love them, having spent little or no time discipling them in the greatest commands…worship and love God first, know and love who we are in Christ, then we are equipped and maturing as we love others?

Church members and attendees, have you ever felt pushed to serve, overlooked, or cajoled or manipulated into service for others while you were or are very young in Christ?  Did you have any idea what it meant or means to know and love Him with all you are and love who you are in Him in order to truly love others?

When have we discipled, in a deep and ongoing way, new and young believers in what it means to know, worship, and love God with all they are?  When have we discipled them in this process to understand that they are deeply loved and as they come to know, worship, and love God with their whole being, He will show them who they are in Christ so they can love themselves? 

Only then can we, by following God’s priorities and order for relationships, begin to see disciples that can love their neighbors (all others…from marriage, spouse and children, to enemies) as they love themselves.  Then finally we can love as Christ did by giving ourselves away for others. 

The world will see the difference in our relationships not just in our service.  Then we can build the loving relationships that are His Church and can impact this culture and world for His Kingdom! 

The Rest of the Story

As promised I’m going to take you back to an earlier story regarding my speaking at a large men’s group and asking them about attending a Promise Keepers (PK) conference (see article here to remind you are catch you up… https://loveandlordship.com/blog/relationships-what-we-were-created-for/

Following through on the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I asked,  “One more question, and please don’t raise your hand on this one.  How many of you are going to the PK Conference just so you don’t have to spend time with your spouse and family?”

You could hear a pin drop and many heads did as well. 

I finished the session and closed with prayer. 

After we were dismissed several men (every one that speaks up represents ten that are afraid to) came up to me and said words to this effect: “You nailed me. It sounds really good to attend a Christian men’s conference and claim to be a Christ follower, but I’m not doing it where it really counts, with my wife and children.” 

We love events and conferences and men’s breakfasts, etc., in order to claim that we are, or are becoming, Godly men.  But when it comes to stepping up and fulfilling the actual role of being Godly husbands, fathers, and disciples as His Word tells us, we tend to fall short of the mark.

This is not a condemnation on PK or other excellent groups calling men to this standard.  I believe they would agree with my line of questioning and peeling back the layers to expose the real issues that God is calling us to as men, husbands and fathers—as disciples of Christ and His sons!  And the same holds true for the women of God as well.

To be faithful in every circumstance means that we have only one loyalty, and that is to our Lord… We will be loyal to work, to service, to anything, but do not ask us to be loyal to Jesus Christ… The idea is not that we do work for God, but that we are so loyal to Him that He can do His work through us — “I reckon on you for extreme service, with no complaining on your part and no explanation on Mine.” God wants to use us as He used His own Son.  Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest 

Contact L&L to let us know what you’re thinking and how we can help.

Give online as The Lord leads – https://give.cornerstone.cc/loveandlordship.

You can find videos, articles and podcasts at www.loveandlorship.com. 

Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – “Our God is a covenant-making and covenant-keeping God and every covenant has an order.” Dr. Tony Evans

Are you keeping God’s Covenant order when it comes to building and maintaining loving relationships with Him and those He’s placed in your life?  

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – 1) Spend time with God in His Word, prayer and quiet time every day; 2) Ask God during these times to show you Who He Is and How much He loves you; 3) Ask Him to show you how to love Him with all you are; 4) Find a way each day to actively love those who God has placed in your life… spouse, children, family, co-workers, and even enemies; 5) If you’re single, honor and love God by being pure in your relationships.