Mentoring Minutes

We all need to be on the same page and that begins with a solid foundation.  That foundation must reflect the authority on which we base our decisions, and build our lives and relationships.  In other words the foundation, good or bad, is rooted in lordship and discipleship. Who is your Lord/lord (Christ as Lord or the enemy as lord)?  Who are you a disciple of?

In order to establish our lives on the right foundation, we must also understand that the most important word in any language is Truth, God’s “capital T” Truth!  Stated another way, Lordship and discipleship reveal everything about your life and what you believe.  Regardless of what you state to your spouse, when you sit in church, at the office, or anywhere else, your daily life choices reveal that you have a lord and you are someone’s disciple.  Do you know who that is?

Let me share with you how we help people begin to understand this universal principle and, even more importantly, to recognize how it is playing out in their lives, relationships, and world.  Remember, from our previous post, that absolute Truth is the most important word in any language.  If we don’t have an absolute foundation of Truth then words and their application can mean what anyone and everyone wants them to mean.  What happens when the inevitable conflict occurs in disagreement?  Everything else crumbles if we don’t have Truth.  The following five words and contrasting definitions are not all-inclusive, but they are integral and help us cover a lot of ground in getting people to see where they truly live out their lives.

With this chart we can begin to ask questions, discuss how their decisions are made, and ask them to share what their answers reflect as far as the “truth” they are revealing.

No one argues or questions the worldly definitions; we’ve all lived them.  Remember, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” – Romans 3:23.  This is the root of the deception and sin.  

As we apply Scripture defining each “TRUTH” along with the contrasting worldly concepts, we lay the foundation that helps us determine who is truly our lord/Lord and the impact that has on our lives.  Following is the Scriptures and brief explanation that, again, helps us grasp His Truth and whether or not we are walking with Him as Lord on this foundation.

1) Love as Commitment – The Truth lies in Christ and The Cross as the greatest example of Love ever given.  In Matthew 26:53, “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?” With this statement, Jesus tells us He had a choice in the matter and none of it felt good. 

Think about how Jesus felt relationally as His best friends all abandoned Him?  Matthew 26:56

How do you think He felt socially with the crowds crying, “Crucify Him!”?  Matthew 27:22-23

What about mentally and emotionally as He was in so much anguish in the garden that He sweat drops of blood?  Luke 22:44

Obviously He did not feel good physically as He was mocked, spit on, flogged, beaten, and crucified.  Matthew 26:67-68; 27; 26-31; Luke 23:33-34; John 19:1-17

One final thought on love and feelings: How do you think He felt spiritually as He cried out, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Mark 15:34

Think about it, if love were a feeling, as our culture predominantly defines and lives it today in nearly every situation, then what would Jesus have done?  He would have looked to His Father and said, “Nope, this feels awful and if ‘love’ is a feeling, this must not be love at all. I’m outta here!” 

Instead because God in Christ is the Author and Authority, the Truth is that love is a commitment.  He loved His Father and us, so He remained committed and obedient (in love) to His Father and for us to show us what love truly is. “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

By the way, we must understand that Jesus here is modeling the greatest commands for us.  In Luke 22:42, we see Him petitioning the Father and fulfilling the greatest command by submitting to His Authority (Deuteronomy 6:4; Mark 12:29), asking if He could be spared from the cup of suffering and sacrifice if there was any other way.  Obviously, the answer was no (a great lesson for all of us in that God always answers our prayers but not always as we think best) as Jesus then continued to submit to and fulfill The Father’s plan.  In following through to the Cross—He is obedient; showing His first and highest love was to His Father (Mark 12:30).  As He then completes God’s plan in dying on the Cross, He is giving His life in an ultimate act of love (John 15:13) for all who would believe on Him—you and me—loving others as He loved Himself (Mark 12:31). 

Love is a choice, a commitment, an act of the will for the sake of others, according to The Author’s words and example.

2) Humility as True Confidence and Contentment – I once read a Tweet from a prominent author and pastor that said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s not thinking of yourself at all,” echoing a very common quote and misconception about humility.  It sounds really good according to the world and how we can attempt to get people to place others above self.

Matthew 22:39 states, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”  Romans 12:3 says, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you should but think of yourself with sober judgment according to the measure of faith God has given you.”  And finally, Jesus Himself modeled this kind of humility and love in John 13:1-5 (emphasis on v. 3) where it reads, “Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God.”

According to God’s Word and Christ’s example, humility is knowing who you are in Christ so you can choose to place others above yourself.  God must have known that unless we are confident and content in who we are, any consistent attempts to put others above self would end in “false humility” or pride.

3) Authority was explained in previous posts with the clear contrast of the disciples and the world desiring to control or “lord over” others in Christ’s Kingdom (Matthew 20:20-24) and Christ teaching authority as serving others (vv. 25-28).

4) Integrity is another very interesting term that has been watered down in our culture by placing success and reputation above character.  Hall of Fame Coach John Wooden said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”  There are numerous examples in our culture where people propped themselves up with success and an outward reputation claiming integrity only to see it crumble revealing the very lack of it. Think Enron, Firestone, and Worldcom in the early 2000s just to name a few.

Integrity according to God’s word is very closely related to the Greek word for integer or akéraios, which means whole, integral or undivided.  If you remember your second grade math lessons, you’ll know that an integer is a “whole number.”  Integrity is also found in the Hebrew word, “Shalom” which is most often interpreted as “peace.”  So what do whole numbers have to do with peace and integrity?  I’m glad you asked.

Shalom, in Hebrew, actually has at least 27 related meanings, as we understand it in English.  The closest English word to capturing the full meaning of Shalom is “completeness” or “wholeness.”  Integrity or akeraiótita, from the same root word as integer or whole number, means much more than just making everything look good.  It literally means uprightness and is found in wholeness.  We find Shalom or peace when we apply the whole of God’s Truth to every part of our lives.  This is the character of integrity, not the world’s compromise of reputation sufficing for character.

I hope this brief explanation of terms has helped you.  Even more so, it would serve you well to remember them in light of God’s Truth as we dive deeper and apply them to every aspect of our lives and discipleship walk and relationships, especially in marriage, family, and His Church. 

5) Finally, we come to discipleship.  This is crucial in understanding Lordship as it defines our response to whoever is Lord/lord in our life.  Just as profound, if not more so, is our understanding of the enemy’s use of this in our lives.  We will build on discipleship in future posts.

We’ll wrap up this series next in next week’s post, Lord willing.  Share your comments and let us know what you’re thinking and how we can help. 

Check out @Loveandlordship for Love and Lordship LIVE every Thursday at 4pm on our Facebook page for more.  Also you can find videos and podcasts at www.loveandlorship.com.  Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – Understanding the absolute nature of God’s Truth in His Word and in Christ is essential for us to come against the relativism (truth as relative) and the deception that always accompanies it.

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – During your devotional and quiet time take a look at each of the 5 words in the chart above and determine how you’ve been living your life…according to the world’s definitions or in line with God’s Word?  Determine what steps you need to take each day to assure that you’re living in line with His Truth.

The Kingdom and Lordship of Christ

“Temptation usually comes through a door that’s been deliberately left open.”

         Scottish Theologian Arnold Glasgow (1905 – 1998)

*John came up to me after a Sunday morning church service and asked if I remembered him.

“Of course,” I said, “I worked for your dad one summer.”

“Dad’s got late stage cancer and I’m running the company now,” he said.

“So sorry to hear that.” I replied, “How can I pray for and help you?”

“Can we meet?  I’m struggling and I understand that you work with men and couples in difficult relationships.”

“We sure can.” I looked at my calendar and we found a time to meet.

Then I asked, “How can I pray specifically for you?” 

He shared, “My first marriage is over and I’m losing my two children as well.  I can’t let that happen and I need help.”

That exchange led to one year of weekly mentoring and discipleship.  John explained that he’d chosen his own lifestyle in his first marriage.  While he provided well for his first wife and children, he didn’t like that he had to be home when she wanted him to be.  He wanted to do what he wanted to do. 

John’s passions and desires were not unlike those of many young married men with two little children in the house.  He wasn’t getting enough attention (read sex) so he found it wherever he could—bars, strip clubs, business trips, etc.

His wife had had enough and filed for divorce.  It went from bad to worse as John continued to seek his own desires in all the same wrong places, and now it was getting ready to cost him his children. 

That’s where The Lord began to get his attention, but old habits die hard, especially the ones that bring us the most and immediate reward.  Sexual sin is one of the easiest to fall into and by far the most difficult to conquer and get out of.

He knew The Lord but had decided, like so many others, that he was doing fine as he continued to live as he desired, show up at church, give a little money, and convince himself that all was well.  After all, the reason we had connected was because he was dating a lady that went to our church and that was going pretty well.

About four months into our weekly discipleship we found ourselves in a deep conversation about lust, pornography, and sexual sin.  He abruptly got up from the table at our usual restaurant meeting place and told me he’d explain the next week in person.  He didn’t want to share it over phone or email.

 I wished him well and prayed for him as he hurried out the door.  The following Thursday he came bounding into the restaurant with a big smile on his face and plopped down in our booth. He proceeded to tell me why he had so quickly left the week before, a story you’ll read later in the chapter.

John was living much the same way as many others in our day and culture.  Even if they attend church, it’s usually not so much to know Jesus but to interact and mingle, assuage their conscience, and/or keep up appearances.  Or maybe it’s because their girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse, even their extramarital “partner” goes to church and that’s their motivation.  However, their lives do not reflect that Christ is Lord.  They may be at church, but they are still looking in all the wrong places because their hearts do not fully belong to Him.

The fictitious Father Smith sums up how many live their lives apart from God unknowingly seeking Him, “The man who rings the bell at the brothel, unconsciously does so seeking God.”  (Bruce Marshall, The World, The Flesh and Father Smith.)

We could substitute various options for “brothel,” and many of them are nice compromises that we’ve justified and condoned in place of Christ as Lord.   We fill the emptiness with drugs, drink, food, sex, marriage, spouse, children, family, on and on—even “church.”  Many of these only destroy lives and several are very noble and worthy, but none should supersede Christ in our lives.  

Augustine said it this way: “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.”

Christ as Lord

In previous newsletters we discussed and determined that God as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is the Authority and as such we need to look to Him, in particular to Christ, as The Father has placed all Authority in His hands.

“Then Jesus came to them and said, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.’” – Matthew 28:18

“After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed: ‘Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him.’” – John 17:1-2

“Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God.”       – John 13:3

As we’ve already established, our natural selfish desires with regard to authority always incline us toward demanding respect, control, attention, and results.  Jesus contrasted this with Godly Authority in every way – being last instead of first, serving instead of being served, placing others above self. 

John’s story in the intro tells us, and we can all relate, old habits die hard.  It is difficult to let go of control, especially once we’ve gotten it and it works for us.  That literally means we’re playing “lord” in our lives and not submitting to Christ.

So, what’s the big deal, you say?  I’m a good person, attend church, don’t kill or abuse animals and help needy people every once in a while.

That’s nice, but you do see that you’re justifying “lordship” of your own life against the standards of the world, all while feigning Christ as Lord?

What does Jesus say it means for Him to have authority and to be Lord of our lives?  Let me give you a visual that helps explain this idea, and also will help us recognize when we are deceiving ourselves when it comes to who is truly Lord/lord of our life.

Whenever someone asks to come see me about what’s going on in their life—marriage and family or otherwise—I don’t begin by saying, “Tell me about your problems or struggles.” I begin with the following chart and concept to begin to find out where their heart is…

Lordship –> Discipleship –> Relationship –> Sin/Problems/Issues

I then follow up with this statement that sums up the initial step toward a solution to every person’s or couples’ problems: “All of the issues we will discuss today stem from the first two, but so often we only deal with the symptoms that occur in the latter two.”

Lordship is of Utmost Importance

For many, the root issues become apparent right away. Yet often, as with John in our story above, we have to dig deeper to find what is really being fed or protected before the person will truly admit that they are trying to run their own life.  As we will see, the enemy’s greatest deception is, “You can be captain of your own ship, master of your own fate; you don’t need a lord.”  He’s simply appealing to our natural desire to be in authority, in control.

At this point I will ask the question, “How’s that been working for you?”

Usually the light begins to flicker and maybe even come on.  Now we can talk about why it is of utmost importance that Christ is Lord of our lives and the evidence, no matter how much we want to think otherwise, is that we have not made Him so.

Another of Satan’s greatest deceptions is that in luring us away from The Author he can now get us to define key words and concepts according to our whims and desires rather than according to God’s Truth.  We’ll unpack the story of sin and the fall a bit later in this chapter to show you how the enemy lures and deceives us.

We alluded to this in Chapter 1, but we must take it further. I’m going to do so with perhaps the most misused and misunderstood word in all of language, especially in today’s culture. 

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of Five Love Languages, states, “Love is the most important word in the English language—and the most confusing.” 

I agree that it is the most confusing word, generally because we have defined it outside of God’s Word and Authority as feelings or emotion-based and that is dangerous (see chart below).  I don’t agree that it is the most important word in our language, but the fact that we so often attribute it as such creates much confusion and many problems.  We have chosen to relatively redefine terms, again falling for Satan’s deception to lure us from God’s Authority and Truth.

Whenever I ask couples or conference attendees to define “love,” we have nearly as many definitions as we do people.  Why is that?  Because we’ve fallen for the lie that “love” is whatever we want it to be in making us feel good and fulfilled.  It’s all rooted in feelings and satisfaction. 

As they said at NASA, “Houston, we have a problem!”

We continue this series over the next couple of weeks.  Share your comments and let us know what you’re thinking and how we can help. 

Check out @Loveandlordship for Love and Lordship LIVE every Thursday at 4pm on our Facebook page for more.  Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – Every motive, thought, decision, action and relationship reflects who is Lord in your life.  Whoever is Lord/lord in your life is revealed in every outcome based on our choices and actions.  Have you given much thought to whose Lord/lord of your life?

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – Take some time each day and reflect on what your decisions, actions and relationships say about who is Lord/lord in your life.  Determine who is your Lord/lord (don’t deceive yourself) and if it is Christ determine further to continue to live as such.  If not, find out what you need to do to move out of satan’s kingdom into Christ’s and make Him Lord.

I’ve been thinking about this and “social distancing” is a bad term!  Not a bad concept from the standpoint of the pandemic and risk.  But we should simply call it “physical distancing” and continue to find ways to build good friendships and social relationships…love others!  Part of that is honoring the physical distance so as to not put others at risk.  Still there are many ways that we can love our neighbors!

First of all, check out this linked article from Prepare/Enrich (of which I’m a certified facilitator for their pre-marriage and marriage inventories and counseling).  The author elaborates and gives some great ideas and resources to help you to reconnect in your marriage, with family members and others.

One of the suggestions is to nurture mutual relationships – family members and friends that you don’t see or talk to regularly…this is a great TIME (remember the gift God is giving us) to make this happen.  For many this is more than just a call or text…you can Skype or video chat, etc.! Remember, though, to keep God’s Covenant Order priorities with your spouse and immediate family first and foremost!

Another “adjustment” during the crisis that you can make to help in your home is to share duties and chores with your spouse and children to ease burdens and stress!  This helps keeps each person occupied and at the same time frees up some time for those “others” for us to reconnect and build relationships with. 

Also, be careful with your media time!  If you don’t know already, one of the quickest ways to destroy relationships is by having screens (phones, pads, computers and TVs) fill your home and time rather than connecting with family and others.  Be careful and disciplined to LIMIT MEDIA so your time is better spent nurturing great relationships!

Now, specifically speaking here are several ways that we can reach out to our neighbors and others and love them in this time of crisis…who knows you just may build or rekindle a good relationship and develop the discipline to keep it going once the crisis has passed.  Even more importantly you are pointing others to Christ!

Our principles should not change in order to love and serve others, but our actions must in this time of crisis.  Matthew 7:12, known as the Golden Rule lays down the underlying principle we are to act upon…“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  Here are some general principles and practical ways to love others during this pandemic…

1. Honor the authorities – (Romans 13:1-10) One way to love is to be careful around and avoid contact with those at higher risk…elderly and immunocompromised, by preventing the spread of COVID-19.
2. Run errands for those at higher risk. Psalm 71:9 says “Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.” Do this yourself or organize others to help deliver groceries, prescriptions and other needs to those at higher risk.
3. Understand the circumstances.  Don’t panic. (Philippians 4:6-7) Remember a couple of weeks ago we talked about faith over fear, peace over panic.  Walking in faith, hope, love and Truth in Christ goes a long way in encouraging others.
4. Be careful to discern and share Truth rather than “fake news.”  (Psalm 6:16, 19) Truth is always helpful.  Disinformation or inflammatory info contributes to the panic.  If you’re not sure then just continue to serve and stay quiet rather than take the risk of spreading lies and fear.  God doesn’t take kindly to any kind of lies.
5. Support those working in healthcare however you can. (Matthew 7:12) This is a difficult time for all of us but especially for those in the healthcare field.  Help with meals or with children, again, as you can and not bucking the guidelines for good health so as not to potentially spread the virus.
6. Support businesses and those hit hard financially in this difficult time.  (Matthew 7:12) Businesses are among the hardest hit by this crisis, especially local businesses.  Your hair stylist or barber, pet care folks, etc., who have no means of income at this time. Order online and ship gift or something needed to them, order delivery/takeout; buy gift cards to help out with meals or other things they may need.
7. Pray. Philippians 4:4-6; 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Above all else pray!  Remember this is one of the ways you can use your TIME that God is gifting to you as discussed in previous posts.  Pray for the health of anyone you know fighting coronavirus. Pray for needs to be met and then act on that to make it happen as you can. Pray for everyone to be filled with faith and hope in this dark time and be the one that shines the light of Christ so they can see the Source of that faith and hope.

Finally, don’t panic and miss out on the small gatherings (with physical distancing and proper health practices) where we can help encourage one another…“Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.”  (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

In another article, Dr. Glenn Sunshine (not making that name up, check it out), which is why just on the name alone I had to mention it.  He offers a few suggestions that we can do daily: “picking up groceries for shut-in neighbors, ensuring they have vital medications, and using technology to encourage and comfort Christians in ways that in times past could only happen in person.”  Which is what we’re doing right now!

A Time of Self-Assessment 

One final thing to wrap up these last few weeks as we’ve dealt with the pandemic and related real and imaginary crisis…take a look in the mirror.   So many things that we’ve become accustomed to and relied on for our leisure, entertainment and even pleasure…sports, travel, socializing, etc., you might even say as so many “idols”… have been shut down.  This calls for re-assessment  And the first thing I believe The Lord is calling us to is self-assessment. 

What are you turning to for comfort?  For peace?  While self-assessment may bring solace to some, I know for many, conviction has been the response.  And that’s not a bad thing.  Conviction brings both great pain and great delight. The pain comes as we realize that God has not been our first priority. The vices and idols we choose, as they are so available to us, become glaringly obvious when given time to think about what we are chasing after to satisfy the longings of our hearts.

However, for Christ followers (and for those we can encourage and impact to consider Him as Savior and Lord), our pain is turned to laughter and joy as we remember that Christ has redeemed all that we struggle with (Ephesians 1:7).  In doing so, we must also assess and understand that we are called to turn from those idols and vices to His Truth by His grace and love!

I pray that this conviction dominates the hearts of every man and woman so that Christ is exalted and His glory is on full display as He alone, in all the world, can truly satisfy.  As I mentioned in previous posts, I pray that this crisis and our conviction and self-assessment will bring about humility and joyful repentance that leads to salvation (2 Corinthians 7:10) for all! 

God is at work!  How will we respond?

I close with this…let’s pray that everyone will come to the understanding and respond to these two powerful quotes in line with God’s Truth.  C.S. Lewis wrote in “Mere Christianity”: “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” St. Augustine said it this way, “Thou hast formed us for Thyself, O God, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee.”

What a great gift God is giving us to find Him, others and ourselves in His Love!  Don’t waste it.

Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – We should always be looking for ways to serve and love others, as we would want them to do to us.  That’s not too difficult when things are going well.  However, in times of crisis, what a great opportunity to live this out and shine the light of Christ!

Love and Lordship…Action Item(s) – 1) Connect with and encourage one person today that you have not connected with in a long while; 2) Help someone in need today while honoring and obeying the guidelines for the pandemic; 3) Assess where you are personally as to what is most important in your life.