Mentoring Minutes

Why authority?  Because authority, rightly or wrongly expressed, affects everything else! 

  You’ve heard all the mantras.  

“You’ll only go as far as leadership takes you.” 

“The best leadership is based on persuasion.”

“Leadership is everything.”

We could list many more and all of them usually ring with some degree of truth or at least some evidence of worldly success.

Authority is lordship.  Authority is leadership.  But what if we’re doing it all wrong?  What if we, as human beings, expressing our true human nature, naturally lean toward authority as control, as demanding, as results-oriented only?

As Christ followers we are taught that authority is different—completely different.  As a matter of fact, authority, according to Christ and God’s Word, is totally upside-down from what we think it is, or maybe what we would like for it to be according to our fleshly desires.

You say, “Oh, I know that authority is humbly serving others.”  But do we? As I look around at the way most people are taught to lead—whether in their vocation, church, home, or even in positions of power—there seems to be a very familiar pattern. 

That pattern looks a lot like the 12 apostles that Jesus picked who wrestled to sit on the throne in His kingdom in Matthew 20.  If it showed up in Jesus’ handpicked disciples how much more likely are we to struggle with authority?

“Many modern churches (intentionally or not) compare their teaching to the world’s standards and claim to be sharing God’s Truth. The only standard to be held up as God’s Truth is His Word and we would do well to teach all of it as applicable!”

Authority is Lordship and Leadership?

 As stated earlier, authority, lordship and leadership are synonymous in line with their application in Scripture.  God has some very specific things to say about authority and lordship, but unfortunately we tend to overlook, ignore, or redefine it with what works best for us in the moment.  In so doing, we are almost always upside-down and missing what True Authority looks like and how we are to model and honor it. 

The first and greatest command speaks to God’s Authority, but it is often overlooked because “love,” at least in our worldly definition, is so much more pleasant to talk about and live out.  Look at what Jesus had to say when He was asked which was the most important command.

Mark 12:29-31 begins with, “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Bold emphasis mine and added)

Before Jesus talks about love and its importance, He echoes what God told Moses in Deuteronomy 6:4-5.  He states that God is alone, The One and Only, worthy of our praise and worship.  Every person hearing Moses and Jesus say that would have understood that the priority command begins with recognizing and honoring God as Lord, as The Author, The One with All Authority.  Everything else flows from this first and most important command.

Jesus clearly reinforced this before He left earth the first time in what we refer to as the Great Commission found in Matthew 28:18: ‘Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.’

If we do not understand and accept that God is The One True Authority then nothing else lines up.  We can define love and everything else the way we want.  We can call the shots and be in control or at least have the appearance of being in control.  And that’s exactly what we do when we ignore The Author and His Truth.

Beginning with the Author impacts how we love, build relationships—especially marriage and family—and how we are to go about growing His Church and advancing His Kingdom to influence the world and culture.

In order to have real leadership (authority), we should begin where God’s Word begins: All Authority begins and ends with Christ.  We seek leadership in our communities, state, and nation; in our businesses, schools, media, and churches.  Yet Scripture outlines and teaches only two places where authority—headship or leadership) is to be developed: the Home (Ephesians 5:21-33) and the Church (Christ’s Family), and it is to follow that order (1 Timothy 3:4-5). 

Far too often we see so-called ‘leaders’ (those who wield the sword and scepter rather than truly serve) pushing for power and influence in our culture at the expense of serving and ‘leading’ their marriage and family. This has led to a dearth of True Authority and leadership in our communities and country.  Maybe the absence of ‘leadership’ designation and qualities in Scripture for these other “realms” implies that true servant-leadership is to come from the home and church.

Teaching True Authority

In Matthew 20:20-24, the 12 handpicked, cream-of-the-crop apostles (picked by Jesus Himself) begin to argue over who should sit on the thrones (seats of authority) when Christ entered His Kingdom.  After all, isn’t that what they’d signed up for—to rule and reign with the King of kings and Lord of lords?

James and John had sent their mommy to ask Jesus if they could occupy the prime seats in His Kingdom.  When the other ten heard about it, the Bible says, “they were moved with indignation against the two brothers.”  Indignation is just a “Greek” (actually English) word for “ticked off.”  If these were the best that Jesus could find, then there’s hope for all of us!  Jesus knew they were the best because, while they were unlearned and prideful, they were teachable. 

And that’s just what Jesus did.  He taught them what real authority is.

Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.  Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  – Matthew 20:25-28

Some translations insert the word “unbelievers” or “sinners” for Gentiles.  That’s how sinners define and exercise authority.  It should not be so with those who believe.  Jesus was the ultimate example of real authority or lordship.

There is a great temptation in our broken and fallen humanity to want to ‘rule or lord over’ others.  Real leadership comes from a humble, submissive, servant heart, not selfish ambition disguised by false humility (pride) and fleshly service to make a name, achieve a position, or gain wealth or status.  Christ’s teaching is very clear: those who truly lead are those who humbly place others above themselves and serve without expecting anything in return.  This is what Dennis in our opening story was learning.

The Essence of True Authority

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God.  – John 13:3

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.  – Romans 12:3

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.  – Ephesians 2:10

Knowing who we are in Christ is at the heart of understanding True Authority.  He modeled it in His own life and asks us, by faith, to do the same.  Knowing who we are recreated (He changes us or makes us new) to be in Him allows us to serve without consideration for what others think, or how the world ranks or rates us.  We simply serve out of love and humility, confident and content in who we are so we can raise others above ourselves as we serve them.  This is the essence of True Authority!

Modeling True Authority

When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ (TRUE AUTHORITY) and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.  – John 13:12-17  (parentheses added and mine)

Jesus not only taught us what True Authority was, He modeled it!  And then, He stated very clearly that if we want to have any authority in our lives it is to be exercised in and through our humble serving of others.  This is how True Authority is modeled and how we are blessed as we follow His example.

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – How does your understanding, submission to, and/or application of authority align with Christ’s teaching and modeling it?  What would your spouse, children or co-workers say regarding you in a position of authority?

Love and Lordship…Action Item – Begin with your spouse and children and make a conscious effort to lead by submission.  Ask your spouse or children how you’re doing?  This won’t come easy but in time it will be worth it as you are submitting first to Christ and His Spirit as the only way to make this happen.  You can’t consistently do this in your flesh.

True Authority

“My determination is to be my utmost for His Highest.  To get there is a question of will, not of debate nor of reasoning, but a surrender of will, an absolute and irrevocable surrender on that point.  An overweening consideration for ourselves is the thing that keeps us from that decision, though we put it that we are considering others.  When we consider what it will cost others if we obey the call of Jesus, we tell God He does not know what our obedience will mean.  Keep to the point; He does know.  Shut out every other consideration and keep yourself before God for this one thing only – My Utmost for His Highest.  I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and for Him alone.” Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (emphasis mine and added)

How does Christ’s Love in our life affect our relationship with Him and others?  How does His Authority or Lordship in our life impact our relationships with Him and others?  Are we living according to His Love and in His Lordship?

For our purpose, and in line with God’s Word, authority and lordship are synonymous and leadership flows from who or whatever is the authority or lord in your life, circumstances and relationships.

Authority and Love – A Real Life Story

Dennis came in late one afternoon and sat down in my office.  Well, it seemed late because it was just a few days before Christmas and the days were getting shorter and the burdens heavier. 

He told me he thought his marriage was over.  There was no communication and he’d tried to be a servant-leader to his new wife and blended family, but nothing seemed to work.  So he reverted back to all he’d ever known—demanding, yelling, foul language—but only after she had pushed all his buttons, called him a few choice names, and manipulated him to get her way.

I asked him why he chose to enter into the shouting match and “control game.” He simply said, “It’s all I’ve ever known, all I’ve ever seen.  When things get bad, you just buck up and take control.”

Sound familiar?  Likely so.  While this is a true story, it is also one of the most common themes I see these days in couples and marriages (if they’ve even chosen to walk the path of marriage).  Love is lived out as feelings and emotions and when they get out of control, there is little love and a lot of accusations, demands and “lording it over” the little woman or manipulating the husband to get what he or she wants. 

So, what is Love and Authority?  God, in His Word, has much to say about authority and love and both are necessary to build Godly relationships that reflect His image and glory.

With that said, I want to make sure we’re all speaking the same language and on the same page as you make your way through this book.

I don’t know about you but I probably should have paid a bit more attention in English class (sorry Ms. Lake and Dr. Harrison) but in language there is a strong need to recognize and understand “root words.”  The root word found in any word gives us insight as to its meaning.  If we don’t know the root word, then we are either already lost and/or easily deceived.

Authority and The Author

As we focus on authority, we will see that in God’s Kingdom Love and Lordship can never be separated.

Everybody knows that lordship is authority or control and love is a feeling, right?  Unfortunately, these fallacies persist in our culture. Maybe that’s the problem and why we need to better understand Authority. 

As a matter of fact, that’s exactly why we need to define key terms so readers understand what is being said according to the author.  Isn’t that interesting—according to the author?  Why do I italicize that word?

What do you think of when you hear “authority?”

When I’m sharing this message, in particular in prisons and addiction rehab facilities, the first answer is almost always, “Police,” followed by “Courts, government,” and “boss, manager, and superior.”  You get the picture.

When we come across the word “authority,” many of us immediately think in terms of control, supervision, management, or ruling/lording over others.  While authority may connote these ideas to some degree, we need to begin with the root word to truly understand what authority is. 

So why was “author” italicized earlier?  Author is the root word of “authority.”  This means that before we define authority as controlling or ruling over someone by position or rank, we need to understand who the “author” is for that rank, position, or title.

In its simplest form, authority means pertaining to, or of, the author.

With this in mind, it would be wise of us to find out who is in Authority.  Once we know who the Author is, we can determine what the Author meant by what was said or done.

Why do we begin with Authority or Lordship?  If we can determine Who the Author is, then Authority rests with that person or being and everything else comes from the Author. Every other word is defined, action is determined, and outcomes are judged accordingly.  Of course, this includes love.

Knowing the Author means we can define and determine what everything else is according to the Author’s Truth or Authority.

It’s this simple.  The Author is God, The Father; God, The Son; God, The Holy Spirit, and He has revealed Himself to us in His Word, The Bible.  This means that Authority comes from Him and is what He says it is. This holds true for Love as well.

Now you can choose to believe He is not the Authority, but if you do that then whom are you going to choose as authority in your life?  Whoever is the strongest?  Has the most money?  Has the most power or control?  Yourself?  Oh, now we begin to see how authority gets aligned with control and ruling or lording over others as it is rooted in selfishness and control.  If I don’t like your position and the way you do things, then I simply need to accumulate enough money, followers, powers, or manipulation and I can overthrow you and make the rules as I choose.

In case you’ve not been observing history, the battle for worldly authority (who’s actually in control) is never good and never settled.

So we need an Author in order to truly have Authority or Lordship, and we need to know what the Author says.  Why Love and Lordship?  Because I’ve learned in my own life and in being married, raising children, coaching, and teaching hundreds of young people and mentoring hundreds of men and couples, that even in our churches, these are two of the most used and talked about words—yet very few in our culture and world today know what they really are.

You know who does?  The Author!  Why not look at what He says about Love and Lordship so we can be grounded and rooted in True Authority.

God and Christ is The Author

If God and Christ is the Author (and He is), then we should submit to Him as the Authority.  This means that His Word is Truth and His Truth is lived out in the Order (principles and priorities) that He Authored or Designed.  It also means that we must do this in every part of our lives—individually, relationally, collectively/ communally, and systemically.  God’s divine order always moves in this pattern.

God’s design is that we only can go as far as “leadership” will take us and in the direction and depth that “leaders” are going. Are we following God’s design or is it evident in our culture (and churches) that we are not raising up godly leaders—in marriage/family, in our churches, and in our world?

I pray this is convicting!  If we are convicted that we are living according to God’s plan and Word, then we will be encouraged to stand strong and keep the faith, individually and collectively.  If, however, we are not following His plan and Word, and culture would seem to reveal there is much more “fruit” to indicate this to be the case, then our conviction will challenge us to humbly accept and change what we are doing for our sake, and even more importantly, for the sake of His Family and Kingdom.

By the way, here are Scriptures regarding God’s Authority placed in Christ…

In Matthew 28:18, Jesus said, “All authority has been given to me.” By whom? The answer is: God the Father gave it to him.

Matthew 11:27 – All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

John 3:35 – The Father loves the Son and has given all things into his hand.

John 13:3 – Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God . . . knelt down and washed the apostles’ feet.

Ephesians 1:20–21 – God raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come.

John 17:2 – Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him.

Philippians 2:9-11 – Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Stay tuned for more on His Authority and Love in the coming weeks.

Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – Authority is not control, its recognizing and willfully submitting the Author.  Are you in a position of authority?  Are you under the authority of others?  Are you practicing Christ-like authority and submission or applying a cultural concept of authority?

Love and Lordship…Action Item – Take inventory and pay attention to your response to authority over this next week as well as how you practice it in your various roles – spouse, parent, vocational position.  Are you responding in submission to authority or in applying it as Christ, The Author taught and modeled?

God has been faithful, as always…of course that’s what faithfulness is…ALWAYS, to teach, prune and bless me over the years.  It’s not always been easy and the decisions and follow through at times were very difficult.  I’ve learned that as I choose to seek and follow His Word and Spirit that no matter the struggle or outcome, I can count on Him!

One of those lessons that I heard early on and continue to learn to this day is what John the Baptist stated in John 3:30 explaining he was not The Messiah, “He must increase, but I must decrease.”  At one point when I was studying this text The Holy Spirit taught me a great lesson.  It was not an audible voice but simply a very strong thought at just the right time and in line with this Scripture and the principles throughout God’s Word. 

The thought was, “In order for Me to increase in your life, you must choose to decrease.  I will never force or demand either.  The choice is yours.”  That was powerful and has been proven over and over again in my life, marriage, family and ministry.  I wish I could say that it had always been my choice to decrease so He could increase in and through me.  It wasn’t but as I said He’s always been faithful.

I had a mentor tell me that God has given me a story and by His grace I’ve won, as my mentor said, at marriage and family and that is why God has called me to speak to it.  You will hear numerous stories and anecdotes throughout this series about our marriage and family as well as others that I’ve had the privilege to encourage, challenge and point to His Love and Lordship.  Christ has saved us and given us His Holy Spirit so that we could be His witnesses to others (Acts 1:8).

As my mentor encouraged me to do, this story was a pivotal moment where I died to myself for the sake of my wife, marriage, and family, ultimately to honor Christ.  That is what each of us must do in discipleship and in our marriages and families.  Not necessarily the same decision that I made but He must take priority and in order to do that, by His grace we must choose to decrease.   That’s how we become His witness…a testimony to His life in and through us!

“Fame” or Family

During the early years of our marriage I was a high school athletic director and basketball coach.  As I ended my time at one school and went to my second school as a head coach, I stepped into a team that was picked dead last, 17^th out of 17 teams, in their region and predicted to go 3-25 that first year.  We won 12 games that first year and ended up sixth.  We won 16 in the second year, finishing third in our region.  We were slated to be first in the region the next year with eight of our top nine players returning and hopes high for a state tournament berth. 

As we neared the end of that second season and school year Ami found out she was pregnant with our third child that would be our precious Princess, Haidyn.

I knew that moving away from family and friends for this coaching job had been difficult for Ami as she knew no one and was raising two toddler boys.  They were very good, but they were both “all boys.”  She had been a great support for me.

I approached her one weekend and asked what she thought we needed to do.  We prayed and on that Sunday evening she said she thought it would be best for us move back where there was more family and friend support.

I went to my principal the next morning and resigned, knowing we had a potential regional, and possible state championship, contender.  Actually that team lost by five points in the regional finals to the eventual state champions!

Little did we know what God had in store?  We moved back to Lexington and I ended up taking a long-term substitute position that paid about one-half of my previous salary with no benefits.

God is Faithful

On October 1 of that year, Ami checked into the hospital with the largest DVT (major blood clot) that two top hematologists had ever seen.  She was in the hospital for 23 days and went through two surgeries, the last being a C-section delivery of Haidyn on October 18. 

There were seven specialists and seven other nurses and assistants in the delivery room! Two healthcare executives that have gone through the Love and Lordship series stated that the bill would have been between $500,000 – $1,000,000. We never got a single bill for the hospital stay and related procedures and surgeries.

There was a song by Avalon entitled, “Can’t Live a Day Without You” that was #1 on the Contemporary Christian charts in October 1999.  I would hear it several times a day.  I wanted Ami to hear it as it had a double meaning for me and was right in line with what I’d been praying:  I couldn’t live without Christ, but I also prayed and put it in His hands that I needed my wife, and my two sons and our new baby needed their Mother.  Yet I knew He knew best. 

A couple days after the delivery her ob-gyn came in and shared that he was so relieved that both of them were doing well as it was hit or miss throughout her time in the hospital.  God is good and I have learned that He’s always good even when things don’t turn out the way I desire.

On the day Ami was discharged from the hospital, I strapped Haidyn into position in the vehicle and helped Ami into the passenger seat.  I got into the car, turned the key and flipped on the radio.  Guess which song was playing?  “Can’t Live a Day Without You.” We sat and cried, praising Him for His goodness. I thanked Him for being with us and allowing me to have my wife and daughter with me.

God’s Covenant Design – Living According to His Priorities

Would I have liked to stay and coach a potential regional and state champion?  Absolutely!  But the decision was easy; my marriage, wife and family came before anything but God. He was and always has brought us through it all!

And through it all, God has been calling me to disciple others in His Love and Lordship. He has encouraged and equipped me to teach others to seek Christ as Lord and walk as His disciples, building up Godly men and marriages, and faithful husbands, fathers and families.

Through the years of learning and growing, God has shaped and pruned me, and this message for His Kingdom purpose, and He continues to confirm the calling.

As we continue through this series you’ll learn how Ami and I started a young couples’ class with another couple that grew from four to over 100 in just six months.

You’ll read or hear about two conversations, 19 years apart, with two pastors from two different continents that clarified the formation and continuing of this message and ministry.

There are stories of men, women, marriages, and families whose lives have been radically changed by the Love and Lordship of Christ.

My hope and prayer is that your knowledge of the Bible and your personal relationship with Jesus will grow exponentially as you continue with us through the Love and Lordship series and message.  I know that if you do it will make a tremendous positive difference in your marriage, family and legacy, and in His Church and this culture through you. 

Make it a great day and God bless in Christ!

Love and Lordship…Food for Thought – What does it mean to you to decrease so Jesus can increase in your life (John 3:30)?  How might that impact your marriage, family and relationships?  How can these choices be a witness for Christ (Acts 1:8)?

Love and Lordship…Action Item – Choose one thing each day (at least one thing) that will decrease your own importance and elevate Christ.  This may often be done by placing others above self in the decisions you make and actions you take.